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When Rachel Bertsche first moves to Chicago, she’s thrilled to finally share a zip code, let alone an apartment, with her boyfriend. But shortly after getting married, Bertsche realizes her new life is missing one thing: friends. Sure, she has plenty of BFFs—in New York and San Francisco and Boston and Washington DC. Yet in her adopted hometown, there’s no one to call at the last minute for girl-talk over brunch or a reality TV marathon over a bottle of wine. Taking matters into her own hands, Bertsche develops a plan: she’ll go on fifty-two friend-dates, one per week for a year, in hopes of meeting her new Best Friend Forever.
In her thought-provoking, uproarious memoir, Bertsche blends the story of her girl-dates (who she meets everywhere from improv class to friend-rental websites) with the latest in social research to examine how difficult—and hilariously awkward—it is to make new friends as an adult. She asks why women will happily announce they need a man but are embarrassed to admit they need a BFF. And she uncovers the reality that no matter how great your love life, you’ve gotta have friends.
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WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING:
“Friendship is one of the most important elements of a happy life—but it can be tough to make new friends. In MWF Seeking BFF, Rachel Bertsche weaves together her engaging and often hilarious adventures in search of a new best friend with the latest research about the science of friendship. I couldn’t put it down.”—Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project
“Reading about Rachel Bertsche’s search for that special someone, you’ll find yourself thinking about all the friends you’ve ever had—and the ones you hope are right around the corner. Rachel writes with engaging humor and a measure of poignancy, too. You’ll enjoy joining her on her journey.” —Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames
“Rachel Bertsche’s yearlong diary of searching for best friendship in a new city is compulsively readable and will plant a smile on your face as you turn the pages. Funny, forthright, and honest as a midnight phone call, Bertsche’s zesty hosanna to female bonding defines what it is to be a double-X Millennial.” —Sheila Weller, author of Girls Like Us: Carole King, Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon—and the Journey of a Generation
“I guess you could say Rachel had me at ‘Hello’ — I found myself totally invested in her honest, earnest, oftentimes hilarious quest for meaningful female friendship. Whether you’re actively seeking a ‘BFF’ yourself or simply recognize the value in making quality connections with other women, MWF Seeking BFF underscores the profound rewards we women stand to reap when we simply open up, reach out to one another, and go for it. A smart, fun, and inspiring page turner that will surely resonate.”—Kelly Valen, author of The Twisted Sisterhood
“MWF Seeking BFF is funny, charming, and so relatable. Throughout Rachel’s journey to develop more meaningful, enduring relationships with other women, I found myself wishing she had my number.”—Robyn Okrant, author of Living Oprah
“Genuine, funny and thoroughly inspiring, MWF Seeking BFF is a tribute to female friendships and a must-read for anyone who has ever found herself sunk into her couch and scrolling through the phone list feeling like there’s no one to call for a last-minute drink or Sunday brunch.” —Rachel Machacek, author of The Science of Single
81 responses to “MWF Seeking BFF”
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LOVE IT! Can’t wait til January to read it!!
I Rachel….just heard about your blog and book through an email and think that ur blog is fantastic. Well written and nice content. You seem to have this modern way of writing english thats very impressive. Are you a journalism graduate? 🙂
All the best for the blog and your book.
Congrats on the book deal! That is amazing. Looking forward to hearing more about it and of course, reading the book.
Here via Allison Winn Scotch’s website. (Saw your comment on her post today, and loved the title of your book/blog!) Despite having great friends from home, it took me years to find “BFFs” after I graduated college and moved to a new city. I think your story is neither embarrassing nor unusual — in fact, I think it’s a common modern-day issue and I’m glad you’ve written about it!
I didn’t realize you had a book deal! Can’t wait to buy it!
Well done girl! I most certainly can’t wait to get a copy. Pre-order is on the way :-). BRAVA!
Ordered all the way to Scotland! I’ve been reading your blog for nearly a year so I honestly cannot wait for the book.
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I just received my copy in today’s mail 🙂 Not going to lie, it’s tempting to call out of work today… remind me that I have the next two days off to enjoy it!
You look good in print, Rachel!
Yay! I hope you enjoy it Leigh. The good human part of me says you must go to work– you have the next two days off. The devil part says, “what’s one more day?”
Thanks again Leigh! Happy reading!
Pity there isn’t an ebook version.. (yet?)
There are, in fact, ebook versions available too. You can find them here:
Sony Ereader: http://ebookstore.sony.com/ebook/rachel-bertsche/mwf-seeking-bff/_/R-400000000000000545506
Thanks for your interest!
Hi, Rachel! I just finished your book and loved it! It was really great how you mixed in all of the scientific research with the whole journey. One of the things I found most interesting was the 150 number. Well while yours was 20/150 spots to fill, when I made my list after starting your book I ended up with about 130/150 spots to fill. Of the almost 20 friends(it’s 19, but I rounded up) 3 are girls I’d consider close to lifers, but one lives out of state and the 2 others I rarely speak to or meet up with. 1 is a guy I’ve known for years online, but not in person (I moved out of state so we’ll probably never meet; does that even count?), again rarely talk. 1 I’ve spoken to on the phone once, she needed a favor. She invited me to a short-lived adoption book club, where I met another 1, but we’ve only exchanged a few emails months ago. With the others all but one are people my husband introduced me to through his work. I love the idea of your friend quest, but I think I sound similar to your more reserved self as you started your journey. Also, I would have probably had an easier time a few years ago when I just moved here because now I have a little one. I couldn’t imagine you attempting all of those friend-dates with an almost 2 year old little girl in tow. I’m not a Mommy&Me girl so I’d love some advice, if you’ve got any. I’ll definitely work on the being more aware when I’m out and trying to talk to people, but I just never seem to find the open people I’m looking for. Thanks for reading my message and for writing your wonderful book! I’m glad you’re getting to pursue your passion!
Thanks so much for reading MWF Seeking BFF. I’m so glad you liked it! It’s so interesting to make our own Dunbar lists, I think. Really opens our eyes to our own situations.
You’re right, I’ve heard (though I don’t know from experience) that having a little one adds a new wrinkle to the friend-making quest. And you’re probably right that I couldn’t have pulled it off if I had a two year old. I certainly have heard that classes for the little ones are a great way to meet other mothers and make friends. Another option, though, is to dedicate just one night a month, or even every two weeks if you can swing it, to yourself. Maybe you can sign up for a book club on meetup.com, or some other group that would be interesting to you. Starting somewhere where people have similar interests makes a difference, and having set meeting dates takes a little of the work out of it and the reponsibility off you…
As you say, another thing is just having your eyes and ears open. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own thing when we’re out and about, going about our business. Tuning into the other people around us who might be open to friendship is tough but important. If you keep at it, I think you’ll be surprised to find that a lot of people will be thrilled to be approached. Who doesn’t like hearing from others that we seem like a nice, friendable person?
Good luck, and keep us posted! Rachel
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I just ordered your book-ever since my bff decided to abandon me and move to Europe, I must admit, I’ve felt a bit lonely. Been thinking lately that I need to make more “good” friends-this book sounds like a great start. So excited to read it!
Thanks Elsie! I hope you enjoy it!
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Hey Rachel- happy to see your book is doing so well! It’s crazy that we sat at Nookie’s discussing your bff search after dance class many many months ago- and now that I just moved to a new city, people keep telling me to read your book to get ideas! Excited to pick it up.
-Felicia (that girl who worked with Rema 🙂 )
Thanks Felicia! So great to hear from you!
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Hi Rachel! I just finished your book!
I was born and raised in the northwest burbs of Chicago. And now I’m in Texas, where I only know a handful of people.
It’s interesting how I came across your book — I was leaving Chicago, heading to Arizona over the holidays, when I saw your book in the airplane magazine and I thought to myself I HAVE TO GET THIS BOOK!
While I was reading your book I just kept nodding in agreement … I could totally relate now that I’m here in Texas. Thanks for writing this book … It really helped me see that I’m not crazy and that other women are going through these issues as well. It put an “identity” on what I have been going through. (if that makes sense)
Anyway, thanks again.. It was a wonderful read! I really enjoyed it.
I loved your book. I sent it to a few far-flung friends, I recommended it for my book group, and I posted an entry on my blog about it at http://www.fullexperiencecoachingnewsletter.blogspot.com (The title of the post is “In Friendship…”). But most importantly, since reading it, I’ve scheduled about 10 “friend dates” of my own and my whole outlook is just a lot happier.
You are a terrific writer, and a thoughtful and insightful person. I really relate to your experience and see a lot of myself in your descriptions of yourself.
Thanks for sharing this book with the rest of us.
Best of luck!
Thanks so much for these kind words Sophie! I so appreciate your support, and I’m so thrilled to hear it’s helping you in your own “BFF search.” THANK YOU!
Wow, I can’t wait to get this book:D great concept, way to go Rachel!
I live in a ‘university town’ met lots of amazing friends in my degree but then the parties ended and everyone moved away for work:( I found work and my fiance and so I stayed (behind). I miss my girls!! So I fell in love with your book title as soon as i heard it, then watched the trailer, and going to get a copy ASAP, awesome work! I guess I’ll find out if your plan worked or you’re still searching:) Thanks for writing this book.
Just ordered the book, and posted about it and your wonderful blog. I have been doing a Lent series on my blog, and part of it is dealing with my need for a new friend. This really spoke to my heart and I am encouraged by what I have read so far. I can’t wait to get the book in the mail! I linked over and credited your blog and book on my post, of course! Thank you for being brave enough to forge this frontier!
Here is the link to my post..
Thank you very much for your valuable advice on how to blog.
Hope it will help me a lot in future.. I have been trying hard how to use the blogs well, but I feel I just don’t not have the idea of IT.
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I just finished the book and am determined to start putting some of those ideas into action. I was friendly and outgoing and would try things with the idea of meeting people, rather than be afraid of going alone and I don’t know when that changed, but I need to change back. I think it was when I thought I found a BFF but it ended badly and I decided to stop trying to be anyone’s friend.
Hi Rachel! I just moved to Austin, TX two months ago and your book has helped me SO MUCH! I can’t say enough about how I loved this book. I just posted a review about it on my blog, hope that’s okay!!
I’m looking forward to reading this book but based on your description, is it possible to have a bff even if you have to plan in advance? I have never been one for last minute hang outs since there are so many in betweens and i make my schedule in advance. I also tend to stick what I had planned unless I have the ability to be flexible. Don’t get me wrong, I love the last minute lets get a drink or two but I just don’t see it being feasible as I get older. Thus, not sure if it’s a necessity in a potential BFF.
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Thanks Jules! I’ve heard great things about your blog as well! Let’s be blog besties.
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I just finished reading your book and LOVED it! I really enjoyed the fun tone, the mixture of research and personal experiences, and the purpose of your search. So fun!
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Just finished your book today & wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it! Like others have said, I love the research woven into the story of your search for a local BFF. You have truly inspired me! I takes guts to “ask girls out”, but you show that it’s not so scary (or maybe it is, but the consequences are not). Wishing you continued success!
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I wonder how much your book also discusses female cattiness and competition.. and the role it plays in ruining friendships.
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Loved your book. As a 52 year old woman starting over after divorce, I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote. Living in a town that I was only known as part of a married couple, it is hard to find new friends. Thank you for giving me hope!
I just finished your book and I have to say, it’s really given me hope in a somewhat sad period in my life. I’m about to move to a new city (without my man!) and I’m actually excited to try some of these tactics to make new friends. Thanks for writing this! 🙂
I remember feeling this way after i got married and was almost 30…how do I make new best friends?? Both of my b.f.f.’s lived out of state (bastards! lol jk) so I just had my husband and family. Which, of course is wonderful, but I need a girlfriend!! That’s when I saw this book and felt comfort in knowing that it’s not just me, and that it is hard to find a new best friend as an adult! Thank you for writing this book, I’m a HUGE fan and look forward to your new one! Please check out my blog when you get the chance, I’d love your feedback!!
I love this book and am immediately passing it on to my best friend. I love your genuine writing style and the research you did to support your quest that was so well interwoven that you didnt realize it was secondary data.
I was about to embark on a similar quest until I read this book. Now I feel like I have a better understanding of friendships and what I was looking for. Also, it helped me take the pressure off my realationship, realizing that even if men are great, they really cannot be everything. Fantastic book, a must read for all 20 something girls.
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