Are you reading MWF Seeking BFF with your book club? I’d love to join for the discussion, in person or via Skype. If you’re interested, just email me to set it up. I love meeting readers and hearing other people’s friendship stories.
Download discussion questions for your book club.
MWF Seeking BFF: A Reader’s Guide
1) After moving to Chicago from New York City, Rachel quickly realized that “friend-making is not the natural process is used to be.” Why do you think it is so much harder to make friends as adults? Or do you think making friends is as easy now (or easier) than it was when you were a kid?
2) When Rachel writes her BFF “want ad,” she hears from a number of women in her same situation, all of whom are hesitant to admit they too are looking for new friends. Rachel writes, “Popular culture has made it okay to yell ‘I need a man!’ from the rooftops, so why are we still embarrassed to say ‘I want a best friend?’” What do you think? Is it easier to admit you’re looking for love than it is to say you’re in the market for friendship? Why?
3) What would your BFF want-ad look like?
4) After Rachel meets Amanda (friend-date 18) she realizes that her new friend has a blog, and they’ve each blogged about the other. How has social media (Facebook, Twitter, blogs) affected your friendships and the way you make new friends?
5) Rachel claims that her husband isn’t her best friend. “A husband can fill many vital roles—protector, provider, lover—but he can’t be a BFF,” she writes. “Matt is my most intimate companion and the love of my life, But I can’t complain about my husband to my husband. That’s what friends are for.” Do you agree? Or do you think your spouse could be (and maybe should be) your best friend forever?
6) After looking at the relationship research, Rachel claims that when it comes to friends, “more is more.” Do you agree? Or do you believe in quality over quantity?
7) Have you ever been on a blind friend-date? If yes, what were the circumstances? How did you meet? If no, would you like to? Did MWF Seeking BFF warm you up to the idea of friend-dating? What parts of Rachel’s search would you be willing to incorporate into your own life?
8) At first, Rachel thinks people will find her friendship advances weird or creepy. Eventually, though, she realizes that “it’s not that people are less civilized now, it’s just that we think they are, and so we act accordingly. We don’t reach out unsolicited for fear of being rejected. We don’t talk to new people because we assume they don’t want to be bothered. But as I continue to pursue friendships, I’m constantly surprised at how receptive people are.” Are you surprised that women were receptive to Rachel’s attempts at friendship? How would you have reacted if she had asked you out?
9) Rachel makes clear throughout the book that even though she is looking for new friends, she has plenty of great old friends. What is it about our lifers that makes them so special? Did reading about Rachel’s quest make you appreciate your own lifelong BFFs more?
10) Throughout her search, people tell Rachel she can’t force friendships, they should just happen. Do you think one can successfully search for friendship, or should it always happen naturally?
11) By the end of her quest, Rachel may not have a new BFF but she says she has a “bouquet of friends.” For Rachel, the definition of BFF has changed. She realizes she isn’t as likely to talk on the phone with her best friend every night for two hours like she did when she was 15. Families, careers and responsibilities make that impossible. How has your definition of BFF, or your requirements of your friends, changed over the years?
MWF Seeking BFF 
Hi,
My bookclub just voted on reading your book. One of the girls mentioned you like to join book meeting discussions for it. I’d be great if you could stop by via skype when we discuss your book. We will meet on March 6th at 7.30pst.
Look foward to your book.
Jerlin
Hi Jerlin,
I’d be thrilled to join! Thank you for the invitation, and I’m so glad your book club is reading MWF Seeking BFF. I hope you enjoy it! I’ve marked this down on my calendar…
Best, Rachel
Hi Jerlin,
I’m just following up on this. Is your book club still interested in Skyping this Tuesday?
Let me know! And thanks again for reading MWF Seeking BFF!
Best, Rachel
On Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 9:16 AM, Rachel Bertsche wrote:
> Hi Jerlin, > > I’d be thrilled to join! Thank you for the invitation, and I’m so glad > your book club is reading MWF Seeking BFF. I hope you enjoy it! I’ve marked > this down on my calendar… > > Best, > Rachel >
Hi Rachel,
Technology did not tell me you wrote a follow up here. I may not have checked the notify me button. I sent you a email yesterday. We are still on 🙂
Jerlin
It was my month to host book club and I had chose your book for us to read. I was you about 5 years ago when I had first moved to Atlanta, but instead of having an “awesome Matt” I had a less than stellar bf. So for me I chose it because it hit close to home. I am excited to see how the girls enjoyed it and if it was relatable to them as well. We’re discussing Tuesday (2/21)! If your up to joining (via Skype) in such short notice, we would be thrilled!
Aloha Rachel, we are reading your book for our book club this month. We meet tomorrow night, Thursday February 22. Here’s the kicker…. 6 pm Hawaii time; 10 pm Chicago time. Wanna Skype with us? Living in Hawaii a lot of us are “transplants” and for many this is a transitory place (not me, I’m a lifer). This book has hit home with several of our book club members. Mahalo for writing so honestly. a hui hou, Ana
Aloha, Ana, I am Rachel’s cousin and also live in Hawaii. We are also reading the book and have book group tonight, Thursday February 22. What a funny coincidence! Our book group meets in Kailua. I didn’t think to ask because of the time difference and our group doesn’t really get going until 7 pm. I loved the book! I agree living in Hawaii forces you to put yourself out there with making new friends only to find them leaving and having to start over.
Brit
Aloha Brit; we too had our book club tonight in Kailua. It was so gracious of Rachel to join us via Skype. She mentioned you too were having your meeting tonight and my friend Sari said she knows you well. We all really enjoyed the book and everybody seemed to find something that really stuck with them. Happy reading and hopefully we’ll be seeing Rachel in Hawaii soon. a hui hou, Ana
Simply because I always wanted to be in a book club, I’ve started one. We are meeting in June and just picked MWF seeking BFF for our first book! Thank you for writing such a hilarious and true story about friendships. I am 24 and a newlywed and realizing how hard it is to have deep friendships at this age, and realizing as hard as it is to be the “new girl” in a town, it is also hard to be the girl left behind. Thanks for giving me hope and lots to ponder!
Does this book also cover ‘how do you encourage a friend/family member to get a BFF’? I think my mom needs someone to listen to her, I feel like I am in my 30’s going on my 60’s. Thanks!
Hi Rachel,
Just wanted to send a quick note. I lead a book club in San Francisco (SF Young Professionals Book Club), and a few nights ago we discussed your book. It was the biggest turn out I’ve had for a book so far, with over 50 people who came to the event. The restaurant manager actually gave me a free huge chocolate cake in the middle of it because we filled nearly every seat in his restaurant for the night! Thanks again, it was such a wonderful book to read and talk about using your discussion questions.
Hi Rachel,
We’d love to have you at our SoCal book club on Wednesday, November 14th. We’ll be having our own “friend dates” by then to add to the discussion!
Cheers,
Saretta
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Hey there! Just finally read your MWF book! Been wanting to for a while but it’s still so popular that it was constantly out from my library! Finally had my chance though! I live in NW Indiana so it was nice to read something that takes place locally! The other cool thing is that I’ve also been on a somewhat similar Find my BFF quest for a while before even learning of your book. Now though my thing is Facebook groups. It’s amazing how you can find your BFF through joining local Facebook groups! I set up my own groups the way I wanted them to be and then you can screen who you want to meet or not… Funny how so many of the social networks for meeting friends are exactly the same as when you wrote your book yet Facebook is the one thing that keeps evolving as time goes on. Well thanks for the fun read!
Hi Rachel, I just discovered your page when I went to download questions for my book club tonight. Wish I had known ahead of time in order to invite you over – I live in Libertyville, not too far from the city. Is there a follow up to your book? Any other live changing events that have altered your friendships? Thanks for a fun read – I expect to have a great discussion tonight!