Cheers Mate!

I’m in London at the moment, where all friends are “mates.” I love it. I’m going to start incorporating that more. Consider yourself warned.

I’m visiting an old bestie, who I lived with for three years in NYC. The whole roomie thing can be so tricky. I’ve seen it go horribly wrong for other people. They moved in as great mates (see?) and left on silent-treatment terms. So how lucky I am that my old roomie and I slip back into our old ways when we spend time together, giggling about my old Don Cragen IM icon or the way we used to use comforters as window shades.

Twenty-two-year-olds do the darndest things.

Our hangout reminds me I want to tell her this:

Normally I’m not much one for ghost antics but I could get behind this.

Lots of women tell me that living with a friend was exactly what ruined their relationship, so I want to hear from you. Have you ever had a friend as a roommate? How’d it go? Still as close? Did I just get lucky?


Filed under The Search

17 responses to “Cheers Mate!

  1. Alisa

    Welcome to London!
    I’ve been waiting for some official London dates being announced from you!

  2. How fun! I love London.

    I’ve had the friend-as-roommate thing go both ways: after three semesters as roommates, a college friend and I did not speak for a year. We later made up, but we are not close. However, another friend and I are much closer as a result of two years living together. I suppose it depends on your living styles and how much you can “live and let live” when you’re together.

  3. I roomed with a friend in college (twice, b/c I never learned my lesson) and both times ended with our relationship worse off than before. After college I roomed with a high school friend, and although our friendship is no worse for wear, we realized pretty quickly we were not meant to share a lease. Then right before we all got married and whatnot, I roomed with my BFF. It was actually awesome. Best year ever. And we’re still very close. It really depends on the people.

  4. Kim Davis

    My ‘former’ bestie and were not just roommates. We also worked together… thus we ate, shopped, carpooled, worked out, watched movies, went on dates, did almost everything – together! Those were the amazing times. I got married and stayed in SoCAL while she got married and moved to the East Coast. We grew apart and haven’t spoken to each other in 4 years (and counting)….

  5. Most roomies, with the exception (or maybe not, come to think of it) of my ex-boyfriend ended fairly badly. I think that’s just me though. I do not like other people in my space, and have resolved to not have a roomie situation again unless circumstances are dire.

  6. London is so great!! I’ve lived with several friends before. My sophmore year, although we ended on good terms, it was the terms where she was like, “This year was so great! Let’s live together again!” and I was like, “NEVER!!!”
    I lived with a friend for both junior and senior years, and couldn’t have had a better roommate! We’re still friends now and just had a re-connecting weekend like you did! ^.^
    And then I’ve also had the situation where I lived with 5 random strangers and became best friends with several of them!

  7. Wow, London. Post some pictures of your time there.

  8. In college I lived with friends a few times and it was so-so. It didn’t end our friendships but they annoyed the hell out of me. I stopped having roommates for years and then lived with a sort of friend a few years ago for 6 months. In that case we’d known each other since middle school and then stopped talking for a long time during and after college just because. I won’t say living together ruined our already not solid friendship but it didn’t strengthen it either.
    I’m big enough to admit, though, that I can’t live with other people. I am very stubborn and set in my ways. I like things a certain way and it drives me nuts when someone messes with that.

  9. I’ve lived with two friends and am not close with either anymore. They both were the type where you meet and do everything together for months, then something happened in both and that was that. I’d like to think it’s not me, but I guess I was the common thread there. :/ Anyway, I decided I would only live with guys from then on and married my next roommate! Haha Luckily that one’s been going strong for four years. Enjoy London!

  10. I rented an apartment with a friend, against everything I believe in. And only cause we decided that she and I are the only people either of us would be ok living with – we just had that kind of dynamics. It helped that she met a guy shortly after we moved in together and spent most of the time at his place. So that whole experience didn’t change our relationship at all.
    But in general I always advise people against moving in with friends – bad bad idea!

  11. Monica Full

    Hope you are having a great time in London! i am very jealous!! I am about 3/4 way though your book and loving it!!! I recently moved to Charlotte from Buffalo for work and feel myself becoming social isolated.

    Although I’ve had a two different female roommate… one was boy crazy and would drop all friends with just the scent of a new man, the other was actually crazy. I find that completely platonic guys roommates are the way to go. Yes they are dirtier and smellier. But if you find a good one or ones it is completely DRAMA free. And if you can deal living with a guy, you’ll enjoying bonding with them over a beer and they make great dates to wedding when you’re minus one. Which stacks up to a winner in my book!!

  12. I moved in with my best friend a little over a year ago thinking it would be the best experience of my twenties. Over a year later and we still aren’t speaking. Moving in together was awful and something I wish I could re-do.

  13. Amy

    This really fascinates me. I avoided the college scene because of all the drinking. I lived at home through college and kept no friends from that stage of my life. I ended up working full time (and had many co-worker friends, none of whom I am still in touch with) and finishing college part time. Then marrying. In the last few years I found a Bestie who lives here because she came here for college and never left. Her college Bestie and she lived together for a few years, even moving to another city together and then coming back. They are still friends who had drifted apart when we met but now the three of us grab dinner together from time to time, usually with my Bestie’s husband as well. She married and her friend didn’t. Their friendship experience has me wishing I could have done the same with someone like her even though I cherish what we have now. I missed out on the fun of that stage of friendship before the responsibility of family and it makes me sad. That said, I do currently have a group of mom friends that I am getting together with often, both with and without kids! The friendship group is fun but also a fascinating study on people, behavior, and friendship.

  14. I totally became closer to my bestie – we became more like sisters after a few years living together. That’s not to say that we didn’t have our bad days – but these are what really cements true friendship.

  15. Love the word Mate. I’m an Aussie so we use mate all the time. There used to be a phone ad here where two older ladies called each other and all they said was “Maaaaaatttttteeee” “Maaaaaattttttteeee” I do that with a friend all the time LOL

  16. I have four roommates. I have to share a bed with one of them, but he sneaks out before the sun rises. I have to get one on the bus each morning and off it each afternoon and I spend the rest of the day changing the other two’s diapers and acting as intermediary during intense (and often hostile) LEGO guy (mini-figure) negotiations.
    While I have deep affection for all of these four makes, I must admit that they make a strong case for living alone: no toothpaste to wipe out of the bathroom sink, no socks or underwear to pick up, only one bed to make, no toilet seat to make certain is down, no Arctic Cat driving over my lillies. I could go on and on, but I just remembered a time when I lived at home and longed to have a husband to warm the bed beside me and deeply wanted to hear the laughter of happy children and to hold their lollipop-pop-sticky hands and receive soft, drooly cheek kisses from them. Everything I ever wanted is right HERE! Lord help me! 😉

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