Back when I was deep in the throes of my BFF-search (rather than wading in the shallow end, like I do now) I had a phone chat with an old friend that stuck with me. At the time, she was single and I was married, and she was explaining that she didn’t have trouble meeting new friends, but she had trouble seeing them.
“I work late,” she explained, “so I’m not always free on weeknights, and I feel like most girls in relationships like to do friend-dates on weeknights, and save weekends for boyfriends or husbands.”
The result: when she was free, her friends were hanging with their other halves. When her lady friends were available, she was in the office. I recognized myself in her dilemma immediately. During my friend-dating push, I set up those meetings usually on a Monday through Thursday. I liked to leave Fridays and Saturdays open to be with my husband. We didn’t have to be alone or anything, and plenty of those evenings were spent out with couple friends, but I didn’t opt for a ladies night because I didn’t want to ditch Matt.
I didn’t have a good solution to offer my pal. She could make plans with the friends and their husbands, I said, but I know that’s not always ideal.
Ever since that conversation, I’ve kept an eye on the calendar, observing how my plans pan out. And I’ve realized that I’m much more likely to have weekend friend plans now than I was back during the quest.
The conclusion: Friendships work themselves up to weekend status. Friday and Saturday nights are precious. There’s the blissful knowledge that tomorrow doesn’t involve an office and you might even get to sleep late. Subconsciously, we reserve these days for dates that are sure to be fun, and easy, rather than first dates that might feel like work.
When I was deep in the heart of my quest, I always suggested a weekday for a first date. Not only because I was saving my weekends for Matt or old friends (didn’t really have any of those locally, anyway) but also because I thought she was probably reserving weekends. To suggest a Saturday night for a meetup felt, well, a little too forward.
Crazy? Maybe. But isn’t this how regular dating works, too? All my friends who go on setups seem to go first for Thursday night drinks before they do the big-time weekend dinner.
Nowadays I’m closer with my new friends, and I have no qualms imposing on their weekend plans. That’s just the kinda friend I am! I still save some time for Matt, of course, but romance and friendship can be—must be!—juggled.
Do you find that friendships have to work their way up to “weekend status”? Do you agree with my friend that it’s harder to get together with a pal on the weekend if she is in a relationship?