Back when I was deep in the throes of my BFF-search (rather than wading in the shallow end, like I do now) I had a phone chat with an old friend that stuck with me. At the time, she was single and I was married, and she was explaining that she didn’t have trouble meeting new friends, but she had trouble seeing them.
“I work late,” she explained, “so I’m not always free on weeknights, and I feel like most girls in relationships like to do friend-dates on weeknights, and save weekends for boyfriends or husbands.”
The result: when she was free, her friends were hanging with their other halves. When her lady friends were available, she was in the office. I recognized myself in her dilemma immediately. During my friend-dating push, I set up those meetings usually on a Monday through Thursday. I liked to leave Fridays and Saturdays open to be with my husband. We didn’t have to be alone or anything, and plenty of those evenings were spent out with couple friends, but I didn’t opt for a ladies night because I didn’t want to ditch Matt.
I didn’t have a good solution to offer my pal. She could make plans with the friends and their husbands, I said, but I know that’s not always ideal.
Ever since that conversation, I’ve kept an eye on the calendar, observing how my plans pan out. And I’ve realized that I’m much more likely to have weekend friend plans now than I was back during the quest.
The conclusion: Friendships work themselves up to weekend status. Friday and Saturday nights are precious. There’s the blissful knowledge that tomorrow doesn’t involve an office and you might even get to sleep late. Subconsciously, we reserve these days for dates that are sure to be fun, and easy, rather than first dates that might feel like work.
When I was deep in the heart of my quest, I always suggested a weekday for a first date. Not only because I was saving my weekends for Matt or old friends (didn’t really have any of those locally, anyway) but also because I thought she was probably reserving weekends. To suggest a Saturday night for a meetup felt, well, a little too forward.
Crazy? Maybe. But isn’t this how regular dating works, too? All my friends who go on setups seem to go first for Thursday night drinks before they do the big-time weekend dinner.
Nowadays I’m closer with my new friends, and I have no qualms imposing on their weekend plans. That’s just the kinda friend I am! I still save some time for Matt, of course, but romance and friendship can be—must be!—juggled.
Do you find that friendships have to work their way up to “weekend status”? Do you agree with my friend that it’s harder to get together with a pal on the weekend if she is in a relationship?
MWF Seeking BFF 
I gave up on friends with a relationship. Most of the time she expected I had to settle to their agenda because they had a relationship. For me it was important to schedule dates in the weekend but they wanted to keep that for their husband or friend. I needed fun in the weekend. So finally, we didn’t met less and less. I found new single friends who wanted to do fun things in the weekend. If a new is married or has a relationship I’m cautious. I don’t invest much time in it because in the end I’m gonna be left. They always choose husband over friends.
Oh Sharita!! We share the same thought 🙂
Everyone has only 24 hours per day. I may be a bit unforgiving to those who treat my time as of less value just because I do not have a significant other
Exactly. Friends with relationships tend to think their time is more valuable and we – without significant other- are repleacable and less worthy when it comes to commitment. So people really get a wake up call when their relationship is over since 1 out of 3 relationships fails, then they need you and want you around. I always say ‘friends in good and bad times’ not only when you need me.
I’ve never “saved” a particular night of the week for my fiance unless we had standing specific plans, like when we had a regular Thursday night gaming get together. I know we’ll see each other, but with the exception of important one-time-only invents, any specific day is first come, first serve.
WEEKEND STATUS IS HUGE!!! And I so realize that now that I feel like I may have neglected my relationship unintentionally at times to cater to my girlfriendships. In the end, I regret it and so I make it my business to devote my time to my boo and my babies on the weekend 100% of the time. The most I will do with a gf on the weekend is grab a quick lunch or a quick run to the mall. Otherwise, it’s me and the family.
I undermined the importance of settimg aside that time for pure relaxation for my relationship. In my situation, we are helping kids with homework, feeding them and then trying to squeeze in some QT. It did not make me feel all warm on the inside at the end of the day bc all I could think about was going to sleep.
Hello dear friend
here is my address (alannahlarry@yahoo.com)
My name is Alannah I feel pretty much to have the perfect life except for the desire to have someone to share it with i value integrity, loyalty, and people with a willingness to try new things Very serious, someone very down to earth, who does not need to play games, but be confident enough to just be himself/herself, and allow me to be me, and let us get to know one another I will like you to send me an email to my address (alannahlarry@yahoo.com)
Kiss and hug from
Alannah
I’m totally in the same boat as your friend. It’s at the point now that I wouldn’t even ask most of my friends for anything on the weekend unless it’s a brunch. It also has to work around my friends’ children’s very busy extra curricular activities. Where as once upon a time weekends were so busy for me, now it’s really just me doing what I feel like doing at any given moment.
Hello dear friend
here is my address (alannahlarry@yahoo.com)
My name is Alannah I feel pretty much to have the perfect life except for the desire to have someone to share it with i value integrity, loyalty, and people with a willingness to try new things Very serious, someone very down to earth, who does not need to play games, but be confident enough to just be himself/herself, and allow me to be me, and let us get to know one another I will like you to send me an email to my address (alannahlarry@yahoo.com)
Kiss and hug from
Alannah
Am fortunate that my best friend has a long-term marriage (15 yrs) and I am friends with both of them – I am single, so they invite Me over for weekend company on Saturdays. Sundays, we go our own ways unless it’s the odd occasion. I treasure having Sundays all to myself.
When I was single and working, I’d go out week-nights, week-ends or whenever I could. It didn’t matter. Now that I’m not working (first time ever!) and married again, I want daytime friends but I’m finding it hard to find them. They all seem to be working day jobs and they all want week-nights. Since I’m still a newlywed (4 mos), I like spending my nights and week-ends with my husband for the most part. It is a bit of a dilemma and I feel out of sync.
I totally agree with the idea that one has to work their way to week-end status whether I’m working or not.
It certainly takes a juggling of commitments to take on friendships; then one has to prioritize. I am a married adventuresque with 4 children and determined to live a full life. Sleep? Not.
I find maintaining a friendship with friends who are in a relationship at all difficult. Especially if they have kids, since I’m an empty-nester I never have to worry about kids. Still having trouble making new friends.
There’s always a work-around if you are committed and creative. Since my husband likes-no, loves-to sleep in on Saturdays, he is more than happy when I go out for an early coffee date with my friends.
I’m the “friend in the relationship”. I like to spend time with my other half at the weekends to recover after a long week, but I will make time to see my friends if we have plans and because none of us are at the age for children that makes life a bit easier! I still regret falling out of touch with some of the friends I made a while back, but that’s mostly due to fallings out among the social group.
I have been with my husband for twenty years now. I often see my friends on a weekend night. Not every weekend but maybe every other weekend. I think that might change for you in time. Just a thought…
Wow, this seems to apply outside girl friendships, too. I’m in a new town trying to make friends and also trying to get my kids connected with other kids. We homeschool, and so far, 99% of the homeschool socializing offerings have been weekdays when I’M WORKING. I’d love to do a weekend gathering, but that’s not happened yet. Sounds like I’ve got to work up to weekend status on more than one level.
Wow, I am in the exact same boat. I homeschool and have moved to Chicago. We don’t get out much during the day since my husband works nights I spend the day hours with the family. Now I’m trying to find friends for children and myself.
Every day in my life is important. Every friend is important. I don’t “reserve” particular days. I only reserve dates (birthday parties, band performances, etc.). This is an interesting idea though. I’ve thought about it before in the sense that few people make me part of their Friday/weekend plans. So, I do understand that those who do might see me as higher on their priority list than other friends that don’t. It’s something to keep in mind.
Interesting post and questions to ask! I definitely think each friendship is unique, and getting together depends on many factors: relationship status, work status (if she has a job, type of job, what hours she works, days off and so on), children status, etc.
I also think that if a friendship is established, you are more likely to see each other on the weekends – although, that may depend on the above factors.
It may be harder to get together with a friend on the weekend if she’s in a relationship, but I also find that some of my married friends try to keep up a social life of their own, so they make it work. Or they just bring their partner along.
These things become harder as we get older – guess it’s part of being an adult! 🙂
So True!
I’m at the stage in my marriage where we mostly watch TV on Saturday nights. We have 3 kids and babysitting can be costly. Friday nights are reserved for Shabbat, but we’re open to hosting guests for dinner. In the summer, Shabbat ends late on Saturday, so going out doesn’t happen much. Sundays are family days, since the kids are home and get bored easily. We try to make plans with couples who have kids, but it doesn’t always happen that way. I have had girl’s nights on a Saturday night before. I always tell my husband to have some guys over on those nights so it’s not just him looking after the already-sleeping kids. In any case, I have gone out without him on a Saturday night every so often. It’s good for our marriage to have some time for our own interests and spend time with friends we don’t get to see during the week. This post is inspiring me to host more girls’ nights…either in or out. 🙂
Every once in awhile one of my coupled/married friends will make plans with me on a weekend, but mostly they want to get together on weekday or weeknights as if I have absolutely nothing else to do during these times because I’m single. Some of these people I consider good friends, but sometimes question whether they really are good friends. My mother experienced something similar after my father passed away. She had to go out and make new friends because of it. It hurts when people don’t have time on the weekend for me.
I have to throw a curveball in here. When I was single, I had two different married couples that I hung out with. They just opened their family up to me and it was great. We went out on the weekends (with the kids sometime). Sometime I even spent weekends at their house so I didn’t have to drive back home. Or we just got together for dinner. It was a lot of fun but you have to have a friend who is confident in her own relationship with her husband to be OK with her friend also becoming friends with her husband. One time my friend was out of town and her hubbie needed help putting makeup on his youngest daughter for a ballet recital. So he called on me as a woman friend and I was really proud to have been a part of it. It made my day.
I tend to agree with your friends re: weekend plans with couples but not all couples are alike; some will make time to include you in their plans whereas others prefer to go away for the weekend and you don’t even figure in that equation because you are single and only other couples are invited to tag along 🙂
I feel that any type of friendship needs to be worked on because if you don’t make the effort you will hardly ever see the other person/s.
Yep; it’s hard to see friends on the weekend if they are in a relationship. I am in the throes of that now. My “best-friend” is in a relationship and I’m pushed out entirely. Weekends, weekdays. You name it. I no longer reach out to her because I’m tired of having a relationship with her voicemail or text in box. 😦 Her loss, not mine.
Yes! I’ve definitely noticed this, as a number of my close girlfriends have found partners, my weekends have become surprisingly empty. (For a girl whose friends say she’s the busiest person they know – an empty weekend is a strange thing.)
Now weekends are all date nights and couples events. (Unless the boyfriend is out of town, then they come calling!)
It’s understandable, but frustrating. And I can’t even imagine how much this will change once kids enter the picture! Yikes!