I’m leaving tomorrow to fly to Philly for a wedding. And next weekend to Cleveland. And two weekends ago to Colorado. And two weeks from now I’ll celebrate a friend’s nuptials here in Chicago.
It’s wedding season, and it slows down for no one.
I read an interesting editorial recently that asked the question, “What is it about friends getting hitched that leaves us so unhinged?”
The author Maggie Shipstead writes:
I’m 29, squarely in the middle of that heady span of years when the tempo driving the game of conjugal musical chairs has suddenly accelerated and summer weekends are spent zipping around the country watching friend after friend tie the knot. There is something numbing about all this marrying. The thrill of the first friends’ weddings, when everybody was young and lifelong commitment seemed wild and transgressive, has worn off, and a jaded peanut gallery has sprung up: guests with finicky expertise on food and venues and fine points of policy, like whether bridesmaids should wear matching dresses or whether there should be bridesmaids at all.
I’ll admit, I love weddings. I must, or I wouldn’t attend so many. (Anyone who has seen me commit to the dance floor knows how much I enjoy myself.)
But I know there are people who don’t. People who find them depressing (“half of these will end in divorce!“) or obnoxious (“Another speech? Really?“) or just plain boring. And I know there are some women who only half-mean it when they congratulate another friend on an engagement. Sometimes it’s because one side is jealous. Remember this perfect scene from Friends?
Rachel: Isn’t it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin’ married.
Phoebe: I know, they’re gonna be so happy together.
Rachel: Ohh… I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?
Phoebe: Not that often!
Rachel: No! I’m so happy for them!
Phoebe: Me too! So happy for them!
Rachel: I’m so happy and not at all jealous.
Phoebe: Oh no! No God, definitely not jealous!
Rachel: I mean I’m probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what’s 2%? That’s nothing.
Phoebe: Totally. I’m like 90/10.
Rachel: Yeah me too.
Other times it’s because friends suspect that the marriage might be the end of the friendship. According to Sandy Malone, author of the June Huffington Post story “Why Getting Married Means You Might Lose Some Friends,” “most of the women I know who have been married for five or more years aren’t friends with at least half of the people featured in the pics on their walls, including me.”
There are a zillion reasons why friends getting married stirs up emotion . Just google “friends getting married” and you’ll find all sorts of help for the emotional roller coaster BFF nuptials can send you on. Man, friendship is so complicated.
How do you feel when you hear a friend is getting married? Happy? Sad? Jealous? Regretful?