When You Don’t Like Your Friend’s Friends

When you make new friends, you may confront some unexpected hazards. Including: What if you don’t like your new friend’s friends?

This happens. A lot, I’m guessing. You meet someone at, say, the gym. You hang out at spin class week after week, eventually building up to post-bike brunch or pre-class stretch. After even more time passes, you start meeting in the real world, for dinners or movie play dates. And then, when you’ve passed the official friends threshold, your new pal invites you out with the girls. You meet her posse out for drinks, maybe. And then, it hits you: You can’t stand her friends.

While your new friend is funny, the other girls are crass. While she is smart, they are know-it-alls. It’s so disappointing, the realization that your potential new group is littered with people you don’t want to spend time with.

No one is forcing you, of course. You have options. You can learn to love these girls. Or you can stick to the gym relationship. Or only see your new friend one-on-one. You might be forced to explain why you keep turning down girls night invitations though, which is awkward.

Personally, I’d try a little from column A and a little from column B. Avoid the friends when I can, suck it up when I can’t and try to smile and laugh in all the right places. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s not a perfect world.

What would you do?



Filed under The Search

12 responses to “When You Don’t Like Your Friend’s Friends

  1. I probably would have done the same, because there isn’t a better way. I think.

  2. Kim

    My thinking is that gym friend may have easily seemed crass and a know-it-all if I was meeting her for the first time at a girls night. So maybe gym friend’s friends might seem more amazing if they were at the gym too or at post-workout brunch. I think people have different traits that come out in various situations. Maybe hang out in a different venue and things might not seem so bad. My general opinion, a night out for drinks doesn’t leave many good first impressions on anyone (i.e. maybe crass girls think you’re too uptight and dull… see how that didn’t work out for anyone?). Besides, if gym friend is so great, there’s a reason she saw something awesome in all of her friends.

  3. movingonmyown

    That’s a really awesome way of looking at things! I hope I can do the same! I’m usually pretty good at making acquaintances but pretty awful at making good friends. So awful at moving past and getting to hang out outside of our normal routines. Introverted to nearly a fault!
    I’m moving across the country after I graduate and this is something I’m really nervous about (besides whether or not I’ll be able to afford my bills!).
    Thanks for the insight!

  4. I know what you mean. This gal is not a new friend…she’s a friend from way back. Her friend is a lawyer (nothing against lawyers, mind you) but gah does she love to argue! She would argue every topic I’d bring up. I avoid her like the plague!

    Sort of related: Our spouses are our friends. What if you can’t stand his closest buddies! Talk about awkward!

    Sorry I’m such a sour-puss tonight, but this is a great and valid topic!

  5. One on one and suck it up only at birthdays! 😉 That is always such a bummer when that happens. Thanks for the post!

  6. I would (and have) just sucked it up when necessary, but I have more often encountered the flip side of this scenario: when my friend introduces me to her roommate, and the roommate and I really click. Thank God for cell phones, because you can’t send an invitation to a party to the roommate without inviting your friend (who you don’t feel that close to anyway.)

  7. I agree with news of the times. I am not that interested in being someone’s friend if it means I have suck it up and hang around people who I have nothing in common with. All of my friends are very different, so I never have them in the same room unless it’s a celebratory event.

  8. heysands

    I’ll hang out with my newfound friend one-on-one. I hate having to suck it up to people I can’t stand, and this is a situation I avoid as much as possible. Of course I can’t avoid her friends all the time, but I’ll make sure I will.

    Interesting topic, by the way.

  9. Several Starry Nights

    I think it all depends on the situation. If you don’t like a group of girls, you may not want to go out drinking all night with them! This might end up spitting out the truth about how you feel and we all know that never turns out well.
    On the other hand, I used to have 2 girlfriends who couldn’t get along. I used to get very upset when they couldn’t suck it up and be in the same room for special events such as my birthday. So I’d suck it up for when you’re girlfriend needs you to be there with all her other friends. But a regular night out at the bars…you can skip that!

  10. -

    depends on your own desperation level and how much you adore this new friend.

  11. Suck it up. You might find that you like them in the end. If not, you can always put some distance in and keep meeting new people.

  12. Anonymous

    tbh my friends friend dosnt talk to me and if he does he acts rude then he make fun of people alot then i have another friend who had a friend and she came up to me and said “Im his friend” and im like YOU MET HIM YESTERDAY then when i left she said LOL

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