Can You Be Too Fabulous For Friendship?

A lot has been made of a recent interview with Angelina Jolie in Marie Claire. In it, Angelina speaks of her relationships with other women. “‘I don’t really have girlfriends in movies, if you’ve noticed,’ she says, suggesting that the same is true off-camera, as well. She quickly corrects herself. ‘Well, I have a few girlfriends. I just … I stay home a lot. I’m just not very social. I don’t do a lot with them, and I’m very homebound.'”

She’s said it to Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN, too. When asked who she confides in, Angelina said “I don’t have a lot of friends I talk to. [Brad] is really the only person I talk to.”

It doesn’t particularly shock me that Angie might not have a ton of gal pals. When you’re drop-dead gorgeous, insanely successful, and Mrs. Brad Pitt, you can be, well, intimidating. And whether it’s fair or not (I’m thinking not), I’ve heard that it can be harder to make friends when you’re extraordinarily attractive. Women sometimes steer clear of their powerful or beautiful peers because it’s assumed they’re  bitchy, or there’s jealousy. In Angelina’s case, there’s probably the added difficulty of strangers thinking they know you. When your life is played out in the pages of Us Weekly, people you’ve never met develop strong opinions of you as a person.

It’s sad, though. Angelina isn’t necessarily one to inspire pity (I’m sure plenty of us wouldn’t mind trading places with her), but hearing her say over and over that she has so few friends reminds me of something: It’s lonely at the top. And, also, even when it seems someone has it all—she might not.

It seems unfair that women might have to choose: powerful career, or friends? And looks aren’t even a choice. You’re either blessed with them or you’re not.

I have a friend who is stunning. Her mother once told me that she is grateful her daughter has such good friends now, because in high school the other girls assumed she wasn’t nice, or was out to steal their boyfriends. The mother didn’t explicitly say it was the case because her daughter was a beauty, but it was understood. And it seemed so crazy, because my friend is awesome! Not the type to swoop in and steal anyone’s man or engage in mean girl antics.

I’m not about to write here, thank God I’m not drop dead gorgeous! I work on looking my best just like anybody else. But who are we kidding? I don’t scare anyone off with my fierce Angelina face and body. And I’m glad for that. Making new friends is hard enough as it is, without people making early judgments of your personality based entirely upon your good looks or successful career.

Since we’re all anonymous here, sound off: Have you ever been written off because of good looks or extreme success? Do your looks prevent you from making friends? Or, admit it, do you steer clear of female friends who are just a little bit too pretty?

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63 Comments

Filed under The Search

63 responses to “Can You Be Too Fabulous For Friendship?

  1. Cher

    Don’t start feeling sorry for Angelina just yet. I recall before Mr. & Mrs. Smith seeing her in several interviews in which she complained about not having love and/or sex and stating how very ready she was for both in her life. That worked out pretty well for her. I am certain she’ll have women knocking themselves out to be her new BFFs, though she does not seem like a girl’s girl.

    • Heather Tiger

      I can understand not feeling pity for someone like Angelina..but this comment seems a bit snarky. What does it even mean that she is not a girl’s girl? Why should that prevent her from having a friend or friends?

      • Cher

        Snarky, sure- While she is a breathtakingly stunning woman, her public persona and behavior is unattractive in my eyes. I find it very telling when a woman points out that she does not have women friends.

        • Heather Tiger

          I understand she has done some unattractive things, but who hasn’t? She is constantly under the huge magnifying glass of Hollywood and society. Who wouldn’t fail when under such scrutiny? That aside, what is telling when someone points out she has no women friends? (Angelina did say she has a few btw). If I said I only have a few women friends currently what is that saying? Wasn’t that the whole point of Rachel’s book?

          • Cher

            I’m sorry if I offended you with my comments, but this is how I genuinely feel and I posted from an honest place. I enjoyed Rachel’s book and her blog posts because they are food for thought, but I think you and I have veered off point here. I personally have a wide variety of casual friends: male and female; younger and older; culturally, religiously and geographically diverse. I have just a handful of friends that I am truly close with and can depend on in any life circumstance and I count myself lucky to have these friendships.

            • Heather Tiger

              Sorry if my response came across as harsh. I wasn’t offended, just trying to understand where you were coming from.

  2. Janelle

    Gosh, that’s interesting. I might admit I wouldn’t walk up to a pretty girl and say, “wanna be friends?” I might admit I think they have enough friends. I’m not put into that position too often but when there are hubby’s workplace parties, they “wives” tend to look high maintenance and I tend to avoid them and stick to the wives I know. I’ve learned now that’s not fair as I’ve come across some of them one on one and really like them!

    I would have no idea if someone is intimidated by my looks. I’m slender, run and exercise a lot, take really good care of my skin and have long straight hair, but I highly doubt anyone would find me too attractive to approach. Ha ha! That’s just funny to think about!

    After hearing about Angelina Jolie not having many female friends, I’m not surprised but I almost feel sorry for her. Just a little though.

  3. I have a hard time feeling bad for Angie, as I’m guessing (and yes, this is just my personal opinion) that there are a ton of women that would be dying to be Angie’s BFF! I would love to be BFs with her, or Reese Witherspoon, or Natalie Portman (who I am convinced would be my best friend if we had the opportunity to meet). I like having successful and attractive friends!

    However, I will say that Angelina doesn’t really strike me as a girls girl. I love her, but there is something about her I find slightly reminiscent of Courtney from the bachelor.

    Just my opinion🙂

    • Samantha Martins

      Yes. She doesnt strike me as a girl’s girl either. A lot of girls arent; they prefer keeping male friends. I actually think it leads to easier friendships… less drama.

  4. Suzanna

    Uhmmm…this is interesting, because I have observed that ladies friendships ‘tend’ ( NOT ALWAYS) to to follow the ~birds of the feather, flock together rule~….when I met a new lady, if we based on appearances do not have alot in common- I also exercise alot- I find I have to prove I am nice, NOT obssessed with my appearance, judgemental of other’s weight, ect…
    So I think this just goes to the idea, we judge others on our inital evalution of their looks as to whether they would be friend material..If we met a new potential friend who seems to excel in an area where we feel insecure, I think we all back away…in the end we are all looking for understanding about our life and choices…even beautiful Angelina

    • Janelle

      Oh Suzanna, great logic there! (I totally didn’t mean to be copying the song, just kind of happened there!)

      • Suzanna

        You know the funny thing is…I have that song sung to me at least 3 times a week…if anyone needs to tell me something..it ususally starts with a lil’ humming then..” O’ Suzanna’….but I love it!…if truth be told:-)

        • Susanna

          Me too! One time someone asked me, if I hated it when people sing that song. And, I hadn’t even realized he was humming it. I told him, no, I just noticed that I block it out. haaa

  5. The other thing with Angelina is that she is BUSY. My goodness–all those kids and work for causes and her career and high profile life. I am an unfamous, work-at-home mother of two, and *I* have to work hard to squeeze in friend time. I have no idea how Angelina would find time to quietly, meaningfully socialize with her BFFs. The hard fact is that relationships of any kind take maintence and hours spent. I’m imagining that her limited relationship time is taken up with her children and her husband.

    Susanmschreiber.wordpress.com

  6. No one likes her because she’s a husband stealer, that’s why!

  7. Sheila

    This isn’t the same problem, however, when I was single I wasn’t included in some activities with friends who were married because, well, I was single and I guess that threw off the balance (one friend actually told me she wasn’t inviting me to a dinner party because I was just one person at the table).

    Speaking closer to your topic, attractiveness, another friend very openly and sincerely told me she didn’t hang out with people who were more attractive than her. This comment stopped me in my tracks. I was thinking “how should I take this?” and “is she applying this practice to me or just her OTHER friends?”.

    Either way, for Angelina or anyone else, building friendships is not easy and can be exhausting. But, once you find a great friend (or 3), they greatly enrich your life.

    PS: LOVED your book!

  8. Ana

    I am easily intimidated, and I know that a drop-dead beauty would intimidate me too much to actually make the first friend-making move—I would assume that she would already have lots of friends (I’m sure its not just me, I’ve read before that people in general assume those that are more attractive are more successful at every aspect in life), but your story about your friend makes me rethink that…
    But while I probably wouldn’t approach her, once I got to know her, I would definitely not rule a woman out as a friend because she was more attractive than me…or smarter, or wittier, or…. I have had my share of friends that were “drop dead gorgeous” that all the boys were after. Its just that they were also super-nice, liked running & shopping & eating Tex-Mex & cracked me up several times a day.
    Not sure this makes me change my opinion of Angelina, but definitely a good reminder to look beyond the surface…

    • Samantha Martins

      You got me thinking… drop-dead beauty can be super intimidating, but I think its also confidence. I find a lot of girls with what I would consider average looks to be intimidating because of how they present themselves. And I have met some beautiful girls who, once speaking to them and discovering how insecure they are about themselves, do not intimidate me. If you have both, like Angelina is portrayed to have in the media, you can then be super intimidating.

  9. Good heavens, so much envy and malice here! It should be noted (again) that Angelina is a mother of 5 young children. Between her intensive career, extensive humanitarian work and her commitment to spending as much possible time with husband and children as possible I really think it’s unfair to say she doesn’t have friends simply because she “too pretty” or “successful”. The problem, as I see it, is just the logistics. Developing and nurturing close friendships outside of a family circle would be difficult in her unique circumstances. A lot of mothers of young children find it very difficult to connect with gal pals. I was a stay-at-home mom for the first 8 years of my parenting years. I was fortunate to make friends with a neighbor as a morning jogging partner,. It was such a blessing to have another woman to vent to and laugh with in ways that only “soul sisterhood” provides. But, for many years before that it was just me and my hubby, (and it certainly wasn’t because I was “too pretty” or “too successful” to get friends). These days, through the age of the internet a lot of busy connect through blogs and facebook, but Angelina’s star status certainly does not allow for the risk of confiding with people through email and blogs without ending up confiding in the world. I think there always is a bit of loneliness in a woman’s heart to not have a BFF – even if one is too busy to recognize it. So, I personally do empathize with her, and I think that she’s being judged much too harshly and unfairly. I’m so shocked at the negative outpouring toward this beautiful and confident woman. I think we should look at the good she is accomplishing, admire her commitment to her family, and hope that as her children grow and her life circumstances naturally change she will have the chance to connect to a BFF. Just my two cents. 🙂

    • Give her a break

      Thanks Mormon Soprano… As a working professional in my mid twenties, dividing time between my fiance, 70 hour work weeks, and planning a wedding doesn’t leave me much time to build BFFs. I love chatting with my friends, as I’m sure Angelina does as well. However building strong friendships requires A LOT of free time. I don’t think it has anything to do with her looks. She’s different, opinionated, a mom and wife. It’s hard to make friends with other celebrities if you choose to devote time between humanitarian work and family activities. She has her priorities. Give her a break people.

  10. Heather Tiger

    Wow…I think I see a lot of the jealousy in action in some of the comments. Why are we so hateful of other women so quickly without truly knowing them? Maybe this is why some women prefer male friends (yes, it’s possible) because dealing with this level of judgement and let’s face it..bitchiness, is not fun on a constant basis. Girlfriends are great when they support you and help build you up. But are we doing anyone any good when we tear each other down because we might be jealous or assume something based on looks or gossip?

  11. Jen

    I know I have been guilty in the past of assuming really beautiful girls are people I wouldn’t want as friends – partly because of insecurity, and also partly because in high school the really pretty girls tended to also be the really popular, cliquey, “mean girls.” But as I’ve matured (a little anyway!) I’ve become friends with some really beautiful women and discovered that for many of them it’s not just skin deep – as the cliche says they’re “beautiful inside” too – smart, kind, and funny. Of course I’m still a little jealous because I want to be them!!! But I love them and value their friendship enough to overcome that.

    My stepdaughter is kind of having this problem too. She’s only 5 – but she is really pretty. She’s ended up befriending other pretty girls perhaps as a result, and unfortunately their friendship is only skin deep. I hope she make friends of all sorts – ones with enough inner beauty so that they can really be BFFs instead of friends one day, and not the next.

    Thanks for reminding me I need to be and adult and be sure to get to know the whole person!

  12. Rose

    From the quotes, it sounds like Angelina doesn’t have close friends because she doesn’t make it her priority, not that she’s too pretty. Right now in her life, she’s probably very busy with her career and and humanitarian work and like she spends her free time with her family. Good or bad, that seems to be where she is at.

    \very thought provoking topic! Personally, I am often intimated by very pretty girls, or more so by girls who always look perfectly put together. I am often the person with scuffed shoes, worn off makeup, and hair falling out of my updo, etc. So I feel like I wouldn’t get along with those people. This has been true in my personal experience (an ex-friend describing how she can’t stand people who where lulu yoga pants outside of the gym… ). But I need to remember, that it is not always the case.

    • Samantha Martins

      hahaha Rose, I am with you. My hair’s always a frizzy mess and I am rarely caught wearing something other than jeans and a t-shirt. Schmoozing with ladies in impeccable trendy outfits and perfectly laid hair makes me feel out of place.

  13. I’m certain it would be hard for her or anyone in that situation to find genuine friends. Although that’s probably the case in general. And when it comes to “birds of a feather” I think there is a lot of truth in that, but that it goes beyond looks. We tend to flock towards people who are similar to us in our personalities, and when we gravitate to people who are shy and unwilling to push a friendship it takes even longer. This tends to be the case for me. Usually someone has to push in order for me to be able to create a friendship, because I have always been shy and worked to refrain from being intrusive. Ironic since I studied counseling🙂

    • Sheila

      I totally get what you’re saying when meeting new people/friends. I always feel like I’m intruding or taking up a person’s time. So frustrating because they are probably feeling likewise.

  14. I’ve found lately that a lot of women I know think it’s admirable not to be a girl’s girl… like somehow not having girlfriends makes you cooler or smarter or mysterious. They think they’re just above it. I’m not a fan of drama or gossip or the things people tend to associate with female friendships either, but I think the idea that you can be above benefitting from a good friend is kind of sad.

  15. Social Butterfly

    I wish I knew if I was a gorgeous women. I suppose I feel judged no matter if I were or not though. Judged by men and women because of media’s outlook on the magazine covers and commercials of how to look physically fit before summer and what to wear. I try to stay fit with toning exercises (need to do more calorie burning ones) and to look a little stylish for work. I also try to take care of my skin so I can maybe look almost as nice as an airbrushed Demi Moore (ha, ha, not!) I don’t decide to have or not have friends because of looks. I make friends with people who have common interests of all looks, shapes and sizes.

    I have a lot of friends and probably almost a baker’s dozen of really close friends I can confide in for pep talks, support or prayer. I do try to squeeze in time for them and other acquaintances during a month. Right now my priority is spending time with my son, finishing my master’s degree, and work (in that order). I wish I could say a boyfriend too, but maybe one day that will come also. I can see why Mrs. Brad Pitt wouldn’t have time to mingle much socially and make BFs. Plus, with that much celebrity status, would you really be able to confide in your own relationship or family problems without fear of it leaking to the press.

    I’m not a fan of hers, mostly because I always feel sorry for Jennifer. But I am not judging. I felt sad for Jennifer and could not be a fan of Angelina. I do watch movies she has been in. I suppose I find it hard to be a fan when something similar happened to me and I woke up and said “adios”.

  16. I’ve always been the plainer one – so pretty much the one that other girls like to have around. Sure it can be hurtful when you’re constantly invisible to males as they chat up your prettier friends, but that’s not my friends’ fault. My girlfriends never make me feel plain – it is just guys when we are in a bar or other typical pick-up situation.

    What does hurt is when you get a grimacing wingman who you know is ‘taking one for the team’ by talking to you so that his mate can chat up your prettier friend. Occasionally I can win ’em over with wit and charm, but most times they just can’t get past the plump plainness…

    But I couldn’t live without my girlfriends.

    x Patty

  17. I’ve had trouble all my life making girlfriends. I just don’t get it. I’m an only child and sometimes that hinders us socially. Boy, does it!

    Regarding Angelina: Oh gosh, I think Angelina is so beautiful. I don’t feel sorry for her or anything, nor should I, but along with seemingly having “everything”, she’s had her share of hard knocks. I remember her interview (I think it was Barbara Walters) where she tells that she was a cutter at one point. That just makes her more human and maybe approachable in my opinion. If she wasn’t Mrs. Pitt/Star/Gazillionaire/Etc. I would see her as friend material. She certainly loves children, and as my husband always says “You can’t fool a kid”.

    When I was younger, I was wary of really beautiful girls. I didn’t trust them to want to be friends with me. Now at *cough* years old, I’m not that insecure and I’ve learned to feel comfortable with myself, so I can feel comfortable around anyone.

    Did I just get off the subject? Whoops, I’m new here! *waves hi*

    ~ Dawne

    • Social Butterfly

      waving back & “hi”
      I miss having time to read and comment on Rachel’s blogs.
      I have still yet to read the book that I was excited about when I first found her blog a couple years ago about the project. Summer vacation is my intended goal time for it.

  18. the two emilys

    beauty shouldn’t be defined by fear, and I feel like fear stops people making friends with the conventionally ‘attractive’, when really all of that is just complete rubbish because now gender identities are constructed by consumer culture and buying a stereotypical exterior. for an alternative blog about two female British artists (who happen to be very good friends) have a look at http://www.twoemilys.wordpress.com

  19. I will be the first to admit it, I am always a bit reluctant to get to know a beautiful girl! I definitely feel intimidated, and I start having all these crazy thoughts in my head. Then I quickly get over it and think why am I being a stress ball right now? I think that all of my friends are quite beautiful and I’m so glad I never let their looks get in the way😉. Way back in the day I competed for Miss California (I didn’t even come close to making it to the top 10) but it was so fun being surrounded around these gorgeous young women who were all so different! In fact, the Miss Congeniality that year happened to be the most beautiful one in my opinion, she looked just like Barbie!

  20. I have plenty of beautiful friends, many of which are even (gasp!) prettier than me!! My favorite friend has the body of a goddess, and a heart of pure gold. But I know exactly what you mean. The first time I experienced this type of behavior from other girls was in high school. My friend and I (both not ugly) were tormented by a group of girls. I chalked it up to jealousy and we moved on–at least we had each other. I’ve recently experienced sort of the opposite effect from a friend. I believe that she’s so pretty she’s insecure when it comes to relationships. Therefore, she mistrusts people, especially other women, because she just assumes that they hate her on principle. So yes, one can be too fabulous to have lots of meaningful relationships. Thanks for your friendship insight! Always a pleasure to read your thoughts.

  21. I have a problem with making friends as well. I don’t know what the issue is. I’m very down to earth, I’m a good friend but for some reason females just don’t want to bond with me or get close to me. It bothers me sometimes but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about drama. It would be refreshing to make some new grown up friends….

    • Being down to earth and not being a fan of drama, unfortunately, limits your ability to find girlfriends! That has been my experience anyway. For all we complain about the men, when it comes down to it, they are much easier to get along with and don’t require all the drama, back-patting, etc. that we do!

      • Very true. I agree 100% but I’ve found that men don’t really care about what I have to say. All they want to do is get me horizontal…its frustrating but that’s a totally different blog post.

    • , it’s a powerful adtdoiicn and quitting is not easy. In more proof of just how powerful of an adtdoiicn it can be, an aunt of mine was a smoker for many years and finally quit ..but despite the fact that she quit succesfully, she did not totally lose her desire for cigarettes as she always said she wanted to smoke at least one more before she died (to her credit, she didn’t).All of that said, I feel a bit guilty for my comment last night about Brad’s smoking. I was probably a bit harsh on him. While I do wish he would stop, I realize that quitting is hard to do and that I shouldn’t judge him. Also, I realized right after making that post that, in regards to hiding his smoking from Angie, he wouldn’t have told an interviewer that he still smoked behind her back!My guess is that he never really tried to hide it from Angie, but that he knows she dissapproves and tries (or at least used to) to make her happy by not smoking around her.

  22. Anonymous

    Rachel, your blog and your work is very interesting an important one…the book is very good…the theme:friendship…is simple and hard…for men…for women…for children..I agree with Dawne in comment: when we are younger…frendship is hard…when we are not so young…friendship is less hard…and it’s not only effect of time passage working..time passing and brings aging… oneself must be a friend for him/her…and so…can find BFF…perhaps him / herself and someone else…few…we can count on the fingers of a hand…that’s is my experience

    • That’s true. True friends are few. The rest are acquaintances. If someone can take care of more than five people in very close relationships….well, just thinking about that makes me exhausted!

  23. Christina

    I think women (and really everyone) judges one and another. And well, the way I see it, there’s nothing wrong with it, IMHO. It’s just human nature.

    I personally steer clear of women who are extremely unattractive, obese or look low class. Ditto for guys.

  24. Erin L

    I guess personally, I would not want to be Angelina’s friend, but it has nothing to do with her looks. I don’t like her because of the choices she’s made in her life. I don’t want to be friends with a woman who slept with a married man and now parades it around like a badge of honor. Great, they do charity work. Heck, I’m from New Orleans and am glad for the work she has done there…but that doesn’t mean I have to like her as a person or want to be her friend. I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but she’s made several that I morally have a problems with.
    Just my two cents, I know I’m in the minority here…
    Erin L

  25. I don’t think Angelina Jolie’s problem is exactly being “too pretty” or “too successful” — lots of beautiful Hollywood stars share the same characteristics and they seem to have good relationships with other women. The woman just comes off as a b*tch and that might scare a few. That is MY opinion.

    Anyway, I agree that it’s difficult to build solid friendships as adults. I was once accused of “flirting” with a BFF’s boyfriend while she was in the restroom at a bar. That hurt me, and the worst part is that the accuser was another “BFF” who I thought I shared mutual trust with. I consider myself to be a regular woman, whatever that means, but I do think that my confidence intimidates some people and sends the wrong message to other girls (until they meet the real me). It is hard to find and keep a good circle of female friends. Too much competition among women.

  26. I would imagine its a question of trust for Angelina she has probably been on the receiving end of many untrustworthy people. I admire her she is doing more for charity than many people or countries for that matter.
    Really like the idea of searching for a friend wonder if that would work here in England for the late fifties age group.

    • Debbie

      Ohhh… second post.I also admire Angelina Jolie .Sadly, I think the whole Jennifer versus Angelina things is about female insecurity in mass society about other women. Women can relate more to Jennifer Aniston than Angelina and therefore symapothise with the notion or fear that a beautiful women is wicked because she will or can ‘steal your man’. How utterly ignorant. Women dont steal men. Men have choices. Its about time after all the Feminist battles we have been through, we started supporting each other rather than blaming other women. Angelina Jolie is the only modern female star I can think of who does something productive with her fame -she doesnt rely on her looks. She is a positive female role model. As for the issue with Brad Pitt. Has anyone considered that behind closed doors, he might not be an angel?
      You’re most welcome to contact me Tourist! I live in Herts……

  27. Wow, Rachel. I rarely subscribe to a blog that will relate to me so much that I just have to comment on your posts.

    While I do find pretty girls intimidating, I find them more terrifying once they group up…kind of like a “cheerleader” effect. Coming from an all-girls’ high school, I am very much familiar with the mean girl politics, and most of the girls who are on top of this pyramid are indeed the pretty ones. So when I went to college, I had a hard time befriending my girl classmates without feeling paranoid. Thankfully, I soon got over this, and I am now friends with many of the girls I was initially intimidated by. I guess we will all just have to learn that there’s more to them than their beautiful physique.

  28. My looks haven’t turned girlfriends away but my sense of self-confidence has. Because I am self-assured, set goals, and am busily engaged in achieving those goals, I’ve been told, that is intimidating. I had a “previous” friend tell me she no longer wanted to be my friend because she doesn’t feel good about herself when she is around me. Apparently, my personal successes reminded her of all she felt inadequate about herself. This was someone whose family went on vacations with our family so she was certainly more than a mere acquaintance. Her decision to not be my friend any more also meant our families couldn’t be friends any more. That was really hard for us but we have since moved on.

    • Annette

      Omg….your post rang true and sure hit home. I have the same problem….also with men in my industry, who cannot handle me. And I am extremely nice….actually I feel I overcompensate with the friendly niceness to disarm standoffish people. But locally, I have no girlfriends.I, too, have had men and women tell me I am intimidating. Very strange and very sad. It is hard to take. thanks for your post.

  29. Lynn

    I actually generally approach more attractive women, especially since you can tell from their energy if they’re a mean girl vs a happy down to earth, attractive woman. I think like minded, and maybe similarly attractive women are naturally drawn to each other. So by approaching and befriending attractive women, it’s self-validation that I am also attractive? Subconscious tactic?

  30. Catherine

    I’m not extremely beautiful but I am a natural blonde. I’ve never particularly identified with any of the blonde stereotypes and always felt more like a brunette. One time I went to the trouble to dye my hair brown and I loved it. It felt more like me and the weird thing is that all of the sudden people were going out of their way to talk with me in class and were generally much more friendly. If it didn’t take so much work I’d still be a “brunette”.

  31. Hiya! I really enjoyed that bit of blogging advice.

    I’ve got a few decades’ worth of friends, and a handful have graduated to BFF status. Some I drag along with me on my jaunts through Central Florida, and others travel with me from the comfort of their distant armchairs. Most of these people I met in high school and college, with a couple originating here in Central Florida… though people here move away a LOT. Not because of me, I hope. Ha!

    Keep up the good work!

  32. Samantha Martins

    What an interesting topic. I love it. And I agree. I think many girls will seek other girls they rate as “equal or less pretty” than them. The blessing is when a situation or event throws you together with someone who might have overlooked otherwise. Take my roommate Spring term Freshman year. She was BEAUTIFUL and I was quite intimidated by her. Then when I found out she wanted a new roommate, as did I, we decided to live together and she ended up being the most down to earth, fun girl I met that year.

    It’s sad that we judge other women before we meet them. I think its important to take a “give everyone a chance” approach. You could be standing in front of your future BFF and be too scared to know it.

  33. gaiabathtime

    When I was 15 I had a crush on Caroline of Monaco and thought that being pretty and a princess all locked up and protected she would be very lonely and probably would really like a pen friend( no e mails in those days). So I sent her a very nice letter and started writing her letters in my head from the moment I posted it. After about 2 weeks later I got a letter post marked Monaco and was excited beyond belief… alas it was a very nice letter from the palace secretary saying that young Princess Caroline has many requests just like mine every day!!!! And sadly and they were sure I would understand she could not begin to be all those girls pen pal.
    I am sure very pretty and successful Angelina probably will get a mountain of such friend request after such a statement. What a dilemma … where to start choosing!

  34. gaiabathtime

    You can never have friends that are too pretty or too witty or too clever !

  35. Annette

    Hello. I can relate to this although I am now 50 so it occurs frequently. I aso have a double whammy with the men being intimidated by my talent. I am very nice and that makes it worse!!!

    Anyway, I am in Chicago and recently got my boys off to college and moved into the city. I have no friends (I worked and traveled and took care of kids alone as a single mother) and I did not cultivate the ladies who lunch local crowd of which I was an outcast of sorts. While I have wonderful loving girlfriends, they are scattered all over the country and I have no one to play with in town.

    Dating….forget it. I just get hit on by the married men and I actually like myself so I do not partake….if anyone wants a pal, I am here and I make a great and loyal friend.

  36. emilyem.egc@gmail.com

    Hi Rachel,
    I just happened to be reading an article in a British newspaper about a woman who feels her attractiveness has hindered her friendships. In it she mentioned Angelina Jolie. How funny then that I should think to check out your blog and read this page! I have included the link to the article; if you feel like taking a peek, I’d love to hear what you think! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124782/Samantha-Brick-says-backlash-bile-yesterdays-Daily-Mail-proves-shes-right.html

  37. Anonymous

    what happened to address never made public??

  38. I think its very difficult for successful women. We all know that to be true. But women are much harder on other women. I have always tried to have the attitude that every win for a woman is a win for all women…but am often shocked by the way other women put each other down or laugh when women fail. Its really sad for all of us. I suspect its physiological…in our genes…all the females competing for the best males. I also think beautiful, successful women need to work extra hard to come across as friendly, warm, and open. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

  39. Debbie

    I typed into google ‘groups for women who cant make friends’ and …voila… This thread seems posiitve and welcoming, so I will comment. I am now nearly 38 and do not have one single female friend. Over the years, Its never really bothered me nor have I analysed why. But now, I have a 5 year old little boy it upsets me greatly and makes me feel bad that it is now preventing him from making friends. Most childhood friendships are forged through mothers and I am just blocked out from being anythign other than someone people will say hello to when passing. I am a v3ery open minded, non judgemental, kind and listening person. From the abstract, I think I am very good potential friend material. I am not interested in competitiveness, slagging off other women or running down men (seems to be what most women want to talk about). I have always been told I am very attractive and beautiful. I have never really paid much attention to the response I get from people, nor have I milked or responded to mens reactions…… until now. I realise now that women dont like me, not because I’m nasty or the sort of person they couldnt get on with. It’s because, men will always look sexually at women they see as attractive and this adds up to a threat to most women The stupidity is most women dont realiser the biggest threat to a relationship is the man, but instead women will fight women.
    Anyway…..Heres hopeing someone will reply. This issues really plagues me. I am incredibly lonely. I long for a genuine female friends, I can talk to, have coffee with and be mutual with. Any short lived frendships I’ve made with girls over the years have been incredibly one sided. Women have just used me like an emotional drain to sound off to and never reciprocated . I wonder if also, if I am still buying into a notion that genuine female friendships can form? Is the media to blame for this? My mum whos in her late sixties says, genuine female friendships are very rare and that shes also had this issue all her life.
    Ive tried every ‘approach’ to try and make friends more easily, but really does’ change much. I have tried focusing on the woman when her male partner is around and not having conversations with the men, dressing down more, looking less glamorous. Ive never talked about things Im knowledgable about, or about my success in my career.

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