Back when I started thinking and writing about making friends, I thought I was in the specific situation that might cause someone to need new pals. Namely, moving to a new city.
One of the interesting things I’ve learned over the past couple of years is that so many women (and also, perhaps, men) have found themselves in my shoes—on the lookout for potential BFFs to supplement (not replace!) their lifelong besties. And these women didn’t always end up here because of a move.
As it turns out, and I probably shouldn’t be so surprised by this, there are a number of situations one might find herself in that would spur a friend search. Here are a few:
1) You move. Like I said, that’s how I got here. This is typical: You’re in a city you’ve mastered—you know all the cleanest public toilets, you have ladies to meet for omelets on Sunday mornings, and you’ve developed relationships with the dry cleaning lady and the mailman—and suddenly you have to move. For a job, for a romance, whatever. Soon enough you’re in a new city, not super socially connected, and launching an onslaught of friend dates.
2) Your friends are getting married, having kids, and moving to the suburbs. (Or vice versa.) I hear this one a lot. Women will tell me they’ve never moved in their lives, but suddenly their pals have filed out to the ‘burbs to raise families and are making less time for girl talk over drinks. The flip side is also true—women often tell me they’ve moved to the suburbs and suddenly need a crew of mom friends.
3) You’re the last single girl. This isn’t totally different than #2, but in The Case of the Last Single Girl, it’s not that friends are having kids. It’s just that friends are coupling off, and your party-on-a-Saturday-night wingwoman would suddenly rather stay in and catch up on SVU.
4) You’re divorced. I’d never thought of this until last night, when a reader told me she recently split from her husband and lost a whole set of friends during the breakup. “It feels like another custody case,” she says.
5) You’re retired. Suddenly you have all this new free time and no BFF to fill it with.
So there you have it, the top 5 reasons women launch a BFF search. (And when I say “top 5,” let’s be totally clear that I have no scientific backing for this.) Have you found yourself in one of those situations? And what big catalyst for BFF-searching did I miss? Comment below!
MWF Seeking BFF is available now, and I would be forever grateful if you might: