One and Done? Or Group Effort?

One of the most fun things about having a group of new friends (or a group of friends, period) is getting caught up in those “am I normal” conversations? They’re the ones where you learn you’re not the only one who has to pee more and more the closer you get to the bathroom. Or something.

These talks usually end up with a lot of laughter and people talking over each other. So fun. Like last night, at my cooking club (which at this point is mostly just a dinner club). I learned that the infrequency with which I wash my sheets is not normal. But my friend who washes hers every other day? Also not so normal.

The rarity of washing my jeans? More normal.

And apparently I take my dry-clean only clothes to the dry cleaner too often (a friend says you’re technically only supposed to take it in every couple of months??), but that seemed in line with everyone else. Normal.

Oh, and my attempts at whistling? Also not normal. Last night the cooking gang (you might remember that these are the very same girls that I only sorta-knew when I brought everyone together for the pizza-cooking night) tried to teach me the fine art of whistling. I was a disaster (I’ve never been able to do it) but apparently totally entertaining, because every time I tried to curl my lips in the right formation, they all burst out laughing and told me I looked like an old woman. In a nice way, of course. All in good fun.

After a 15-minute whistling lesson, one friend turned to me and said: “You should write a post about this. Because this is ridiculous.”

But that’s what friends do, right? Get caught up laughing and joking about the trivial stuff. That’s why I went looking for them in the first place. Not so I could have someone to reveal major secrets to, but someone who could laugh at my whistling attempts. Because I can tell my secrets to Callie over the phone, but the whistling lesson only happens in person, on a whim.

This search started out as a way to find a single BFF, a la Oprah and Gayle. But maybe the more worthwhile effort, for those of you out there on a similar search, is to try to track down a group. It can be hard to build one friendship up to Oprah-Gayle levels, but gathering a group of 6 and meeting once a month is doable and has similar benefits. We’ve met once a month since July 2010, and now we’re legit buddies. Two of the girls in the group are even having Thanksgiving together! Not to toot my own horn but…. yeah, I’m pretty satisfied with myself for making that introduction.

So here’s my question: If you could choose, would you opt to have one super-tight BFF, or a group of great friends? (I want both. Greedy, I know, but it’s my blog so I get to say that….)


Filed under The Search

11 responses to “One and Done? Or Group Effort?

  1. Christina

    As an introvert, I prefer one or two close friends. A group of friends is too much work and I am not much into socializing in groups anyway… it’s too exhausting and too boring.

  2. Karen A.

    Give me a great group, and I will call myself very lucky indeed. (and lucky I am)

  3. Kay

    I want both, too. The older I get the more I realize the value of having circle of friends. When we lost one of our own to cancer a few years ago, we grieved together. It just so happens, she was my “bestest” of the group and I still miss her every day. But had she been my only best friend, who would I have shared my grief with and how would that void have been filled?

  4. Since another commenter has already come out and said both, I’m not afraid to follow that and say both too. 🙂 I definitely long for at least one friend that lives close to me that I feel that I could talk about anything with, but it is fun to have a group that gets together every once in a while. I find myself missing both things, but I would say I have more of a need for one close, local friend right now.

  5. ana

    I agree, I want both! Ideally, the bestest would be part of the group, though I’ve had experiences where that didn’t work out ( in college I had my group of gals for “partying”, and my best friend that I talked to about EVERYTHING and could really count on no matter what—she had a different group of friends for going out with). You get different things from each—as you mentioned, the group is there for the hilarity & fun—the outings, games, talking-over-each-other conversations. The individual friendship is for more personal conversations, that get beyond what you can possibly talk about with a group.

    I’ll concede that if you have a local group of friends that you hang out with regularly, it may be OK if the bestest was out-of-town & you had to talk on the phone.

  6. darby

    I’d rather one super-tight BFF

    Washing sheets is such a pain. The infrequency I do it is probably not normal as well. What is the ‘normal’ frequency for washing sheets anyways?

  7. anon

    I would be so thrilled for either right now. But I suppose my hope is really for a BFF. I miss having that one very close person. I still have one BFF since childhood who lives out of state. We see each other a few times a year and write letters consistently, and she is coming to Thanksgiving – yay! I really would love that kind of friendship in town too. I used to always have a group of friends at a time, but often had one or two that were the more BFF’ers out of them all.

    But a group would be nice too. I do have a few new pen pals (from a homeschooling moms message board). It just started but it’s been really nice. We have a few things in common (kids, homeschooling) but are finding we tend to have even more so in common. We all love letter writing too, and are doing some swaps (like an upcoming stuffed-stocking swap for Christmas). But as nice as this is, it still is not like having someone in town. It sure is better than nothing. But I long for a close, in-town friend.

  8. Oooh…I am totally greedy and also want both!
    Sometimes you need just one and sometimes you need them all at the same time!

  9. I am also greedy and want both. Nothing can beat a group dynamic and having friends that will pull out different sides of you and offer many varying aspects (I mean, one person can do this, but not in a single meeting like with a group), but I also love my one-on-one time and cherish it greatly. And it is very nice if those groups overlap and intersect and all that stuff.

    And I am sure that the frequency that I wash my sheets is not normal, but I do it more often than my brothers do (I guess I really shouldn’t be using them as a benchmark though and speaking of, I do need to get mine in the laundry today or tomorrow).

  10. I’ll put in my vote for a group of great friends. My mom and I are really tight and I have a couple long-distance BFFs that are of the we-only-talk-every-6-months-but-it-feels-like-6-hours variety, but I’d love love love a group of women to get together with consistently to laugh, share, celebrate and occasionally cry with.

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