I’m Living The Dream!

Yesterday I had a 4 pm appointment that got canceled at 3:10. Suddenly the afternoon was all mine, and I wanted to do something that didn’t involve sitting in my apartment alone.

At 3:42 I texted a friend from book club. “Watcha up to? Any interest in a spontaneous trip to Footloose?”

Minutes later she responded: “I can totally be talked into Footloose! Much better than cleaning.”

At 5:05 we met at the theatre.

When I told Matt the news that I’d made last minute plans with a friend (one I’d met due to this quest), he actually raised his hands to the heavens (Footloose has put preachers on the brain) and yelled “The quest is working!”

Pretty confident he was teasing me, but whatever. It’s true.

If the purpose of this search was to find friends for a last minute brunch–or, in this case, movie–I’ve done it. I made the last-minute plan, and I have a handful of other friends I would invite out on a whim. (Finding someone else who is available on a whim in the trickier part.)

Does that qualify as a BFF? When I started this blog, I thought so. Now, I think not. I think that the last-minute plan is one aspect of BFFdom. There’s also the idea that the two of you hang out or talk all the time. That you tell each other your problems, and are always there to listen. That you’d ask this person for a ride to the airport because you know she wouldn’t mind. There’s the knowledge that you can cry to her when things go wrong.

Of all the great friends I’ve made this year, many of them almost-fit most of the categories. We hang out when we can, though not all the time. They’re awesome enough that they’d listen and let me cry if necessary, though I might feel bad burdening them. And to be honest, the hardest slot to fill is the airport ride. That just feels like a big request–even if it’s only a 30 minute ride.

And there’s something you can’t quite put your finger on when it comes to best friendship. A you-know-it-when-you-see-it. Like porn.

But. The fact that I’ve found last-minute friends? And that instead of lying on my couch watching another SVU marathon alone, I got to put on my dancing shoes with a new great pal on a Sunday afternoon? When it comes to happiness, and loneliness, that’s absolutely the most important. That’s the part that has helped me go from feeling locally friendless to totally connected. And that’s why I started this project.

As Matt said: The quest is working.

How do you define a BFF? If you’re on a friend-search, what is it exactly you are looking for? A last-minute pal? A four-jars-of-pickles call? Or just a perfect confidante?

5 Comments

Filed under The Search

5 responses to “I’m Living The Dream!

  1. Aw, way to go! Even if your new friends don’t encompass every aspect of a BFF that you’re looking for, there’s definitely something to be said for someone who can do things spontaneously. I still need one of those friends here, though I have plenty who will happily make plans days or weeks in advance.

  2. Yikes, I think I need to start a BFF search — I do not have ANY friends I could call for a last-minute anything…. In fact with lots of life transitions lately (kids getting older, working at home, etc.) I may be in need of a friend overhaul. Apparently it’s not only necessary if you move!

  3. Just finished reading this topic as I await a call from one of my BFFs with the results of her single daughter’s amnio.
    I haven’t left the phone all day. I also made reservations for our annual birthday lunch tomorrow. We are multi-faceted friends.
    I believe that being spontaneous is a necessity for friendship. You probably enjoyed FOOTLOOSE even more than I did a month ago at a screening. It almost feels naughty to do something so last minute.
    However, as I wait for the phone to ring, my heart racing with an empathetic phrase ready to take shape on my lips, I remember my friend sitting with me during the sonogram when I discovered my pregnancy was an ectopic and she arranged for her 4 children to be taken care of so she could stay with me until my mother could drive into the city.
    So, obviously, it’s come full circle for us. No judgement, total trust, unconditional love and intimacy.
    TMI?

  4. hooray! I think a good friend is someone who just checks in on you and makes time to see you. which is kinda like last-minute plans. I wish I had a friend I could just pop over and see during the day. Sometimes me and the babe get sick of seeing one another.

  5. Laurie Lee

    I have few friends that can do last minute. Most of my friends have are scheduled at minimum a week in advance. I find that I rather make plans last minute because when I make plans way in advance then when the time comes I’m either tired or have a lot going on with my kids/family. I am not a flake and I do follow through on the plans because I am a good friend but I yearn to be more spontaneous.

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