Guest Post: Remember to Forget

I’m on vacation!  While I’m away, I thought it would be fun to hear from some of the products of this search firsthand. Here, my new friend Jordan on the importance of forgetting.

“So… when you see Mitch, if he says anything about me being a state champion tennis player, just go along with it, ok?”

That’s what I told my high school BFF Lynn a month ago. I followed with the story of how I randomly thought a high school tennis tournament that I’d played in was the state championship and that I’d won (Lynn also played at said tournament and was a higher rank than me, so don’t ask me why I thought I was the champion). I didn’t even realize my mistake until last year when I told Mitch of my victory and saw his amazed reaction. Being the bestie that she is, Lynn just laughed hysterically (wouldn’t you?) but said she wouldn’t divulge my secret.

“Did I ever tell you that when I was growing up I called a cash ‘register’ a cash ‘rah-jesture’ and that I secretly have to stop myself from saying it wrong all the time?”

That’s what I told our lil’ Miss Rachel when I explained my first job at a driving range back in 1997. I didn’t even know I said it wrong until my coworkers looked at me like I was crazy! Rachel laughed but moved on to the next topic with ease.

When I tell a friend something I don’t want the world to know (no worries about this blog… I’m using a pseudonym), I expect her to laugh, but also to “get it.” When I told my friend Michelle that the word “pragmatic,” which is overused at my job, means nothing to me, and that I constantly have to look it up because I forget what it means, and just thinking about it now makes me wonder how to possibly use it in a sentence, Michelle giggles but gets it.

What I’m trying to say is that, to me, a best friend is someone to whom I can tell my most embarrassing stories. Confiding in my BFFs gives me a sense of relief and support. If a friend responded by looking at me like I was an idiot, I’d feel like I shared my secrets with the wrong person. And besties are the ones who don’t bring up the subject again. It’s not like Rachel said “hey! there’s the rah-jesture!” or that Lynn asked “how’s our state champ doing today?” or that Michelle uses pragmatic in every other sentence. No, they avoid the topic completely, because that’s what friends do: they listen, they laugh, and they forget.

Are there things you can tell some friends and not others? Does that make them BFF-worthy? (pragmatically speaking of course.)

9 Comments

Filed under The Search

9 responses to “Guest Post: Remember to Forget

  1. I definitely think that it’s a mark of a BFF that they can do this. I think it’s one of the worst feelings in the world when you tell something to someone expecting that they will laugh while getting it and then forget, but all you get is either a blank stare in that they don’t get it or they keep bringing it up over and over again.

  2. Anonymous

    I had to look up the definition of pragmatic.

  3. And what about “events” that our BFF’s selectively forget. I had a particularly humiliating “event” on a bar dance floor in college, and amongst my BFF’s it is never spoken of. Who would want to bring up that embarrassing moment? We are definitely the keepers of secrets spoken and witnessed!

  4. Anonymous

    I have a friend who is not a BFF because of this. I told her something in confidence and then it was cruelly brought up in a large group. We are still friends, but I won’t have the same level of trust again.

  5. lawyerchik1

    I always thought that that’s the way it was! In fact, I am actually pretty good at faking the whole “Really?” when someone else tells me something that my friends told me in confidence. I do not tell my friends’ secrets – not even when someone else finds out (or tries to guess) – unless my friends give me the go-ahead!!

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