When No One Sees What You See

Last week, we discussed the very specific joy of other people recognizing just how great our BFFs are. As one commenter so aptly put it: “It’s a great feeling to have someone else see exactly what you see.” I couldn’t agree more.

But, of course, there is a flip side. Isn’t there always?

Another commenter asked: “What if it’s the opposite? What if your casual friends aren’t huge fans of your BFF and constantly point out the reasons why?”


I’m guessing this happens all the time. New friends don’t understand how we ever got along with those BFFs we’ve had since birth, the ones with whom we have nothing in common anymore. Or maybe it’s that our oldest friends don’t get our interest in our newest pal (a la Bridesmaids). Or perhaps it’s your husband who can’t stand to share a room with your bestie.

When I’ve found myself in this situation—’cause we’ve all been there at some point, right?—I usually shrug it off. If one friend doesn’t like another, I hang out with them separately. If someone points out why another friend is no good, I attempt to defend her. But I’d be lying if I said I always stick up for my friends as much as I probably should. As much as I try to protect one pal against another, I also ignore complaints and change the subject just as often. Sometimes I don’t want to get into a big thing, and if I know trying to force a friendship is a lost cause, I let it be. I mean, I love my friends, isn’t that what matters?

Of course, if I were a character in a sitcom, I’d concoct an elaborate scheme to force the friends that don’t like each other to spend the day together, during which they would come to appreciate each others’ quirks. Like Joey and Janice’s Day of Fun. Or The Parent Trap (sort of). The Breakfast Club!

And yet, in a shocking turn of events, I get the sense this might not work in real life. Every time I’m stuck in a room (or, you know, a Saturday library detention) with someone I truly can’t stand, I want to tear my own arm off just to have something to throw at her. But then again, I’m working on my patience and tolerance.

So I ask you: how do you handle it when friends/significant others are put off by your BFF? Let it go and keep them away from each other? Or try to warm them to each other?

{Housekeeping note: Beginning at the end of August, I’ll be blogging every Thursday at The Debutante Ball. I’ll be joining four other 2012 debut authors to talk all things writing and reading. And sometimes we’ll talk about my love of TV. It’s all fair game. But mostly writing and reading. I’d love for you to check out the site, and meet the fabulous authors I’ll be sharing duties with.)

1 Comment

Filed under The Search

One response to “When No One Sees What You See

  1. Mostly this happens when my husband meets one of my old friends who I have a long time relationship with from either high school, college or work and he just doesn’t “get” what all the fuss was about.
    Since I married late and he missed out on most of my life history, he has only heard stories. I always thought they were riotous stories. So, when one of these wonderful, quirky women come to the city to visit, he wants to fit in and embrace this person who I shared so much with, but…he can’t. All they have in common is me.
    After so many times, so many friends and so many arguments, we have come to the conclusion that he mostly feels left out and we are better off if I spend the time alone with my friend with him having a meal with us.
    No resentments, no jealousy, just pleasure at seeing my friends and my husband being happy for me without pretending to enjoy being a third wheel that doesn’t fit in.

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