Keeping Secrets From Your Bestie

I’m good at keeping secrets. Other people’s, that is. I suck at keeping my own. Every time I try to keep a secret about myself from friends, I end up spilling immediately, before they even have a chance to inquire. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hi!

Her: Hey there!

Me: Ok, I can’t hold it in any more, I have to tell you something and I have to tell you now.

I know. Never send me across enemy lines.

Clearly I’m not a very private person. You probably figured that out when I started blogging on this here Internet. People who are private, who would never fill everyone they knew in on all the news of their lives, have always boggled my mind. How do you not share? Don’t you need to get it out? Catharsis!

I don’t have many secrets, personally. My life is boring. But nowadays, whenever I say the words “I have to tell you something but you can’t tell anyone” I get the same response:

“Are you pregnant?”

Oh, how times have changed.

I’m not encouraging you to keep secrets from your BFFs. Trust is a big deal in a friendship, and the main purpose of having a local bestie is having someone to whom you can spill your guts over lunch.

But sometimes things do happen, like pregnancies (and, let’s make this LOUD AND CLEAR: No, I’m not pregnant. Promise!) or new boyfriends. Things you want to hold off on sharing until the time is right, or at least until there will be no judgment. Or, maybe you’re like a friend of mine, who held off on sharing that she applied to grad school until she got accepted, so she wouldn’t have to tell everyone each time she got rejected. (Which was, like, zero times. Smarty pants. But just in case.) I understand the sentiment, but I can’t do it. I’m a sucker for girl talk, what can I say? It’s what we love about me?

My question to you, today, is twofold: 1) What types of secrets have you kept from your best friend? 2) How did you get yourself to hold back and not spill the beans. She’s your best friend, after all! It’s no easy feat.


Filed under The Search

5 responses to “Keeping Secrets From Your Bestie

  1. I keep anything that I could be jinxing myself on to myself. Applying for a new job, possible promotion, putting a bid in on a condo, applying for grad school (just like your friend), etc. Anything else? Yeah, I’m an open book.

  2. Ana

    I don’t keep much secret. Though I am quiet and thought of as “private”, I really don’t keep much a secret from the few good friends I have (the rest of the world gets very VERY little). Back in the day, though, I often kept my crushes a secret, even from the BFF, because of the whole rejection thing. Now its mainly marital issues (even minor ones, which are thankfully all I’ve had) …it just seems a bit…traitorous to be bashing my husband even when he’s pissing me off.

  3. Jackie

    I pretty much tell my best friend everything with one exception: I’m not sure if she married the right person or if their relationship will work out. I listen to her when she needs to vent about their relationship, and can offer advice, but I don’t think it will really make a difference in the end, and I’m not telling!

  4. I write short stories and submit them but until one of mine was published, none of my friends knew that. I just didn’t want the question “when will you finally be published?” and once I was published, I was too freaked out to tell people. But I also keep boyfriend relationship stuff a secret just because I don’t want him telling his friends about every fight and them judging me. Plus I want my friends to like him (they don’t need to know all of his flaws), and it’s easier to forgive your boyfriend than it is to forgive the guy who’s dating your bff.

  5. I’m usually an open book, I don’t keep much to myself. The only thing I did really keep to myself and I completely regret was when I was planning my wedding. I didn’t really talk about my wedding to my roommate at the time (who also turned into a very close friend if not a best friend) because she was single and had expressed frustration with her former roommates who turned into Bridezilla when they were engaged. So, in an effort not to be a bridezilla and make it all about me I didn’t really share that time with her. I regret that I left her out of the planning and excitement.

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