I’ve been at this search for approximately 18 months now. I’ve made a lot—a lot!—of friends. GFFs. Good friends forever.
The question, now, is how to turn some of those GFFs into BFFs. Best friends forever.
I’ve often said on this blog that consistency is key. The more you see someone, the better chance you have of turning them into a best friend. But consistency is really hard. Yes, I have book club friends and cooking club friends, but I usually only see them once a month. It’s consistent, but not consistent enough. It’s sufficient for turning an acquaintance into a friend, but not enough to turn a friend into a bestie.
The other problem with consistency is that people are really busy. Especially during the summer. Sure, I have friends with whom I attend Saturday morning dance class, but when summer hits it becomes only bi-weekly, or monthly, because between the three of us someone is on vacation or at a wedding almost every weekend. People, including myself, have hectic schedules. It becomes impossible to keep a standing date. Life gets in the way.
If I can’t count on consistency, I can at least shoot for often, right? Maybe I can’t see my new friends every Tuesday like clockwork, but hanging out whenever possible should be the next best thing. The problem, of course, is that I’ve made so many wonderful friends that I want to see everyone as much as possible. As you might imagine—and as I’ve spoken about—that gets tricky.
Let me be clear: I’m not complaining. A girl could do a lot worse than to have made a city full of GFFs, and I’m in no way implying that I have too many friends (like that could even be a problem). I’m just recognizing, again, what this blog is about: It’s really hard to make a new best friend. Those of you who read this blog and think,’wow, she makes it look easy,’ know that it’s not. Not at all.
The more I work on this search, the more I believe that friendship, like everything in life, is about timing. You can do all the right things—accept and extend invitations, follow up, join, and be persistent—and still things could backfire if your timing isn’t right. If she’s busy planning her wedding or you have vacations planned all summer, the BFFship probably won’ happen. Not because you’re a bad fit but because the timing makes no sense.
All this to say, making a new best friend is hard. Even I’m still seeking advice, and I’ve been at it for a good long while. Got any?