I’ve been at this search for approximately 18 months now. I’ve made a lot—a lot!—of friends. GFFs. Good friends forever.
The question, now, is how to turn some of those GFFs into BFFs. Best friends forever.
I’ve often said on this blog that consistency is key. The more you see someone, the better chance you have of turning them into a best friend. But consistency is really hard. Yes, I have book club friends and cooking club friends, but I usually only see them once a month. It’s consistent, but not consistent enough. It’s sufficient for turning an acquaintance into a friend, but not enough to turn a friend into a bestie.
The other problem with consistency is that people are really busy. Especially during the summer. Sure, I have friends with whom I attend Saturday morning dance class, but when summer hits it becomes only bi-weekly, or monthly, because between the three of us someone is on vacation or at a wedding almost every weekend. People, including myself, have hectic schedules. It becomes impossible to keep a standing date. Life gets in the way.
If I can’t count on consistency, I can at least shoot for often, right? Maybe I can’t see my new friends every Tuesday like clockwork, but hanging out whenever possible should be the next best thing. The problem, of course, is that I’ve made so many wonderful friends that I want to see everyone as much as possible. As you might imagine—and as I’ve spoken about—that gets tricky.
Let me be clear: I’m not complaining. A girl could do a lot worse than to have made a city full of GFFs, and I’m in no way implying that I have too many friends (like that could even be a problem). I’m just recognizing, again, what this blog is about: It’s really hard to make a new best friend. Those of you who read this blog and think,’wow, she makes it look easy,’ know that it’s not. Not at all.
The more I work on this search, the more I believe that friendship, like everything in life, is about timing. You can do all the right things—accept and extend invitations, follow up, join, and be persistent—and still things could backfire if your timing isn’t right. If she’s busy planning her wedding or you have vacations planned all summer, the BFFship probably won’ happen. Not because you’re a bad fit but because the timing makes no sense.
All this to say, making a new best friend is hard. Even I’m still seeking advice, and I’ve been at it for a good long while. Got any?
6 responses to “Putting the B in BFF”
You’re right.–it’s all about seeing each other. I feel like you know someone’s gone from being your friend to being your best friend when a week goes by and you haven’t seen them and you call and say, “I haven’t seen you in FOREVER. Let’s meet today.” I have friends I see monthly and friends I see only a handful of times a year. But, my best friends are ones I talk to (for the ones who live out of state) or see often.
Kind of like how it’d be hard to take a dating relationship to the next level if you only go on a date once a month or every other month. You know?
My friends are also super busy during the summer. But even if we can’t see each other consistently, we’re really good about gchatting at work, emailing, texting, and calling between outings. Even if it’s just some texts during The Bachelorette to say how cute JP is 🙂 That way when we do see each other, it’s not about catching up on the last few weeks, but just picking up where we left off.
Yes! I totally agree. If you can’t see someone every day, the gchatting and IMing and random texts work wonders to make you still feel connected…
I have been reading for about a year now, and trying to chase down a new BFF at the same time. So about 6 mons into my search, I came to the conclusion that making friendships is absolutely a choice. You can have as many close friendships as you are willing to commit yourself to.
But a Best friend is a completely different beast. Something in it’s very definition makes it magical! I guess it is what makes the best friendship so valuable in the first place, it is special!
It is a colliding of personalites, interests, morals, beliefs, all sorts of things…and TIMING!
I really feel making a new BFF is like trying to catch a cold! Hanging around sick people raises your chances but is no guarantee!
I think that part of the BFF relationship is the sharing of more and more personal information over time. I agree with Susannah, I don’t think it’s something that you can force, I think it will just happen. you and a GFF will just, over time, start talking about those things you hardly share with anyone, and next thing you know SHE will be the first one you think of calling when something happens. And there you are.
i think sometimes that extra sharing is just fortuitous – I invited a GF to a concert with me on Sunday, and then randomly saw someone there I had hoped never to see again in my entire life. I had to tell her to enlist her help in remaining incognito (which she did perfectly – he ended up standing RIGHT next to us, and she starts showing me her shoes – perfect reason to duck and avoid recognition ;)) – the reasons why are something I’ve only shared with my childhood BFF, my sister and my husband. I HAD to tell her, and I think that open-ness did bring us closer. We’ll see about BFF…
Pingback: The Hard Facts: How Close is Close Enough? | MWF Seeking BFF