Yesterday I put out a call for your nominations to the BFF Bill of Rights, inspired by a chapter in Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). Some of Kaling’s “best friend rights and responsibilities” are: “I Must Be 100% Honest About How You Look, But Gentle,” “I Will Take Care of Your Kid If You Die,” and “We Will Trade Off Being Social Chair For Our Outings” (here’s my take on friendship social chairs).
I’m sort of obsessed with this concept. Plenty of people consider best friendship like porn: You know it when you see it. But Kaling’s chapter lays out the BFF requirements in a more tangible, what-do-we-expect-of-each-other sense.
Yesterday, I added my own additions to her list. Things like “When you are wasted, I’ll make sure you get home safely” and “I will be at your wedding. I will be excited about it. And if I’m not, you will never know.”
As usual, I asked for your input, and collected some goodies. And now? Now I want more! I am loving this list! The “rights and responsibilities” are so spot on. And I’ve been thinking of more all day. Like:
- I will always tell you when something is in your teeth.
- While you’re single, I will never hold “couples only” dinner parties.
- On the morning after you get really drunk and make an ass of yourself, when you ask me “Did I make an ass of myself?” I will say “No! Of course not!”
- If I meet anyone in your line of work, anyone who knows you in a work capacity, or anyone who should know you in a work capacity and could perhaps help your career in any way, I will rave unconditionally about your brilliance.
And here are some gems that came from readers:
- When we’re at a soiree and someone has the identical outfit as you, I will tell you that you look hotter in it than she does (even if it may not be true.)
- If you’re in J. Crew but forgot your wallet and see something you can wear for a 1st date, I will use my sacred J. Crew reward points plus card because I got you.
- I will love/hate your family with you. Your mom’s being a bitch? Yes, I totally agree. Your mom is the most thoughtful human being on the planet? Of course she is, that’s why I love her!
- I will watch your kids for you whenever I can just like I know you’ll watch mine for me. I will also treat them as if they’re my own–loving them unconditionally and screaming at them for tracking in mud on the carpet.
- I will pick you up from a boy’s house when you realize you don’t want to be there any longer – no matter what the reasoning is or how late it is.
- If you move to a new city and get homesick, I will fly in for a visit, even if it means maxing out my credit card and flying all by myself.
How great are these? We are in the business of defining friendship here people! Check out Mindy Kaling’s excerpt (the BFF section is on page 15) and add your own rules below. You’ve got a whole long weekend to think about it.
Happy Memorial Day folks!
MWF Seeking BFF 
These posts about BFF bill of rights are your best yet – probably because they are so true and everyone can relate. I’ve been lucky enough to have my BFF for 30 years. We’ve been through the ringer together. My 20’s were a pretty crazy time and she was my rock. One thing I’ve always loved about her is that no matter how many times I called her at 3am on a Tuesday to come pick me up somewhere or drunkenly ranted at her, she never gave up on me (and believe me, she probably should have). Not once in the years since has she ever held it against me or thrown it in my face in an argument. If I was to add to your list, it would be:
“I will instantly forget any stupid thing you say or do, especially if there is liquor involved.”
Thankfully, those crazy days are over for me and I managed to keep my friend even when I didn’t really derserve her!
This makes me think of my college bestie, who flew out to see me last year even though she’s always totally broke. We do a lot of things on the list–although we’re more likely to mock each other for drunken antics…
When my friends get stupid drunk I always mock them. But I will also always make sure they get home safely and/or don’t throw up on themselves. I’ll just mock them as I’m doing it.
Ha! Yes. I love the next morning recap where we can laugh at the ridiculous things she did. But when she’s scared she ruined a relationship or made her boss think she’s a drunk? Then I go with a heartfelt, “no! of course not! It’s fine!”
I agree that these bill of rights are defining friendship of the best friend kind!! I also enjoy how my best friends and I have taken advantage of a lot of those rights quite a bit. 🙂
Here’s mine:
-I will enthusiastically support your right to change your mind suddenly and frequently on any trivial matter (having a brownie at 10 AM when you declared no sweets before noon, re-attempting home highlights despite prior disasters) but not on serious matters that will result in sabotaging your life (overspending when you’re trying to get out of debt, having 4 brownies at 10AM when you are trying to lose weight for your health)
-When you are pregnant I will tell you repeatedly that you are “cute” and “all baby bump” regardless of the growth of your thighs.
My BFF lives in NYC and so our contact in between our every-other-month visits is kept strong during our weekly Sunday night phone dates. In these another rule came to mind as my BFF is so good about this: when retelling stories of wild college nights, dumb college boys, humiliating moments they are always spun so that you were the bigger and better person (regardless of the fact that we both know that you were the one crying in the bar, being outofcontrol drunk, etc). This ability to spin our missteps into positive experiences is essential to BFF-ship!!
This is pretty non-sequiturious (coin!), but it was a bit long for a tweet and I figured random comment was the next best method. I don’t know if you have ever heard of the Nedroid webcomic, but it has one of the best best friendships in the webcomic world (that of Beartato and Reginald). Beartato is a wonderful little bear and his best friend is self-centred but yet also amazing. I mention this because someone was inspired to write a rap battle between these two characters where they try to prove that the other one is the best friend. It is called Best Friends. The lyrics are here.
Also, here are a couple of awesome Beartato comics: http://nedroid.com/2011/04/ask-reginald/ http://nedroid.com/2008/07/1812-askbeartato-ransom/
Enjoy!