Last night, as I was doing my usual blogging procrastination, I found myself falling into the Facebook vortex. (This was just before I rewatched all my favorite moments from Tuesday’s Glee. For the fourth time. Kurt and Blaine? “Blackbird”? Even that original song? So good.) You know the black hole I’m talking about—the one that starts with an innocent click of a friend’s link and ends at the wedding photos of someone you hadn’t thought about since third grade.
During the Facebook stalking session in question, I found myself deep into the photo albums of girls with whom I went to high school. Not girls I was friends with in high school, mind you. No, I was clicking through photos of ladies who were a few grades above me and always intimidated me with their seemingly easy self-confidence. They were the “popular” girls in their class and, probably because they were a little bit older and age matters in high school, simultaneously terrified and fascinated me.
What’s amazing to me is that all these years later those same feelings of insecurity and intrigue started bubbling up. Keep in mind I haven’t seen most of these girls in, oh, maybe ten years? And my life has turned out pretty well. I’m happily married, I’ve got a career I’m excited about and live in a city I love. But one glance at the flat-ironed hair that was the accessory in high school and I might as well be back to the awkward freshman who hadn’t yet deciphered frizz control.
What is it about high school? I was a perfectly healthy, not-awkward teenager. Sure, I may have had some insecurities (show me a teenager that doesn’t) but I had great friends, was well-liked, and succeeded in academics and sports. I was even the co-president of the gospel choir! (True story. Laugh all you want.) I say this not to toot my 16-year-old horn but to say that no matter how happy-go-lucky and not-screwed-up someone is, high school relationships still get inside her head. And some ten years later those feelings are still there, lying dormant deep in the subconscious until Facebook comes along and stirs the beast.
(As I write this, I’m reminded of that Kristen Bell-Jamie Lee Curtis movie, You Again. I never saw it, but maybe I should.)
So, am I crazy, or have you been there too? Do thoughts of “those girls” in high school ever make you feel like an awkward teenager again? Or are those teenage emotions something you’ve long put behind you?