The Tell-Tale Sign

One of the quickest ways to develop a potential BFFship? The next morning recap call.

There are few phone calls more fun and BFF-like than the day-after debriefing that follows an unexpected action-packed evening.

On Saturday night, Matt and I had some friends over to our apartment. The evening ran later than we had anticipated, and the next morning I smiled as my phone rang and the name of one of our guests popped up on my caller ID. I knew she was just calling to discuss the evening, to analyze different interactions, and to commiserate over our shared states of exhaustion. And I loved it.

This wasn’t a phone call to make plans or to ask any specific question. It was just a “how silly was last night? let’s go over what happened” chat. And I must admit, it felt like old times. These are the phone calls that kept me entertained most Sunday mornings when I lived in New York City. Like I mentioned last week, phone calls about nothing can oftentimes feel like the most meaningful. It’s that brief exchange–“I feel like poo, I’m ordering Thai food,” “Oh, good call, I’m not getting out of bed today”–that makes you think Wow, these are real friends.

In fact, about a year ago a reader left this very sentiment in the comments section of this blog: “There is nothing better to take things to the next level with a PBFF than a Sunday morning re-hash phone call about all the crazy things that happened the night before and/or calling to see if she’s alive.” In this case, said re-hash followed an alcohol-fueled evening, but the drinking part is optional, of course.

Inviting a handful of my new friends to meet and mingle really made me feel like this year has been a success. The thing about being on a friend search is that you end up meeting a lot of different people who don’t know each other. It’s not like high school, when you develop a group of pals. This year I’ve made a ton of independent friendships, and I was so thrilled to finally introduce some of the new ladies in my life. There was a lot of “X meet Y, she is from Boston and works at Chicago Public Schools. Y, meet X, she is a fellow Red Sox fan and a lawyer downtown. Discuss.” I’m not going to lie, it felt a bit like sorority rush. (So embarrassed that I just actually said that but I speak the truth.)

This BFF search has become such a regular part of my life that I don’t always see the progress. It’s like when you lose weight, the people who see you everyday don’t necessarily notice, but those you encounter only once a month are in awe. That’s just how I felt this weekend, when suddenly a number of my friends were in the same place and it hit me–it’s working! New friends, Sunday morning recap phone calls… Folks, we have lift-off.

What’s your surefire sign that a friendship is taking off? A phone call, a shared secret? We all ascribe meaning to different actions… share your this-is-it moments!


Filed under The Search

4 responses to “The Tell-Tale Sign

  1. Suzannah

    Loved this post! Made me smile, nothing is better than the morning after a super-fun nite, where you lay in bed& eat high-calorie food (and care-less), while on phone going play by play the nite before. Just feels like you are living the good life!
    One sign I know someone has become a close (not necessarily PBFF) is when talking on the phone, you can quickly say ” hey let me call ya back”…and there is no worry about rudeness or being brisk. I guess I just mean some social courtesys are gone.
    “When people stop being polite & start being real….the Real World”. Stealing a lil’ piece of MTV history. Not even sure, that show may still be on.
    I also may have just shown my age!

  2. I’ve noticed a recent friendship taking off because we now gchat every day at work. Before it was sending an email or text about a group of us getting together, but now we gchat daily just to see what’s going on and she fills me in on her job hunt and roommate troubles.

  3. Pingback: How This Friendship Happened… | MWF Seeking BFF

  4. Yes! Exactly!

    I knew that one of my friends was a forever friend when, after a dinner with a bunch of our book club pals, we both heard a story, made no comment, but called each other simultaneously 20 minutes after arriving home to say, “WTF did she say?!?!”. We didn’t even have to finish sentences because we were both on the same track.

    I also enjoy the kind of friendships where I can post, “Talked to my mom on the phone today” on facebook and I get a phone call instantly from my BFFs saying, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. How painful was it this time?” (Would like to note that I love my mom to the moon and back, but phone conversations with her are worse than dental surgery…for real.)

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