Last weekend, as you may know, I went to San Francisco. I was there to visit some college friends, but a large motivation for the trip was to meet one of said friends’ boyfriends. They’ve been together for about a year and a half, and, until Friday, I was the only close friend who hadn’t met him.
I wasn’t going out there to give him my seal of approval (though I do approve!), I just felt like if I didn’t make a trip, there was a good chance a very close friend would suddenly be engaged to a guy I’d never even met.
Yesterday I spoke to another friend who is going through the same thing. Her best friend should have arrived in Chicago with her new boyfriend last night. “They’ve been together for six months, so it was time,” my friend said. “Even he knew he had to meet me. I’m in the inner circle.”
The whole “presenting your boyfriend to your best friend” thing is complicated. It’s not like my pal would have broken up with her new man if I didn’t like him. Not even a little bit. It’s a matter of wanting your romantic partner to get along with your platonic partner: “You’re both in my life and not going away, so you better get to know each other and get used to it.”
Or such is the general message.
When it comes to boyfriends, meeting the friends is not unlike meeting the parents. Some might say it’s even harder. Friends can be uber-protective and highly judgmental. It’s likely that they’re the ones peeling you off the couch/giving you pep talks/listening to you analyze every minor Facebook exchange after a breakup. And if you end things with a guy and then get back together with him, it’s likely your best friends are the ones who will be least welcoming upon his return. Like I said, uber-protective.
While you probably won’t break up with a guy simply because your friends don’t like him, if he wins over your friends—if they adore him—you may find yourself even more into him. Admit it, there’s nothing sexier than when a guy charms your BFFs.
So the big question is: When do you make the big introduction? Do you present your potential man to your BFFs right away because they can smell crazy on a guy from 300 yards away? Or do protect him for as long as possible, because your best pals are a bunch of vultures, looking to pick apart any guy you bring home?
8 responses to “When Your Boyfriend Meets Your Best Friends”
When my friend Lindsey was in the Peace Corps I still met the boyfriends via Skype and AIM. I was facebook friends with a few of them, because she wanted me to see what they were like!
I am thankful continuously that my husband and I were friends with a lot of the same people before we started dating. We started dating in high school and had lots of mutual extracurricular activities and people we knew. It made it a lot easier to start dating because my friends from home already liked him.
When we moved to Colorado, I went on a hunt (much similar to yours) for friends. I knew no one and was super lonely. I joined a book club and clicked with two girls immediately. It was like finally finding my left and right arms after years of being armless. When I finally introduced my husband (who is shy when meeting new people) to my new forever friends, they all got along so well. My husband wasn’t shy very long at that first visit. We got in the car and he said, “I can see why you like them so much.” I wouldn’t have stopped hanging out with my friends, but it makes it so much easier to know my husband loves them as much as I do. It’s like family now.
I was really xcited for my best friend to finally meet my boyfriend. We both started dating someone new at about the same time, and because we live 6 hours apart and don’t always travel with our dudes, it took about a year to finally meet each other’s boyfriends!
The thing that’s hard about your long-distance BFF meeting your BF is that they get a pretty limited amount of time to meet him, and see you together as a couple. After the first meeting, my BFF said “he seems nice, but I just don’t get you two together.” It came as a huge shock to me, since all of our local friends totally got it. But I realized it was because they saw us together weekend after weekend, not just for one night. Likewise, I felt the same about her new guy, though subsequent meetings have made us both see that the couples do work really well together. Ultimately, I’m happy that she’s happy, and vice versa.
It’s cool that you like your friend’s boyfriend from meeting him this weekend, but do you think you got the whole picture just from spending a little time with him?
I think the earlier in the relationship, the better. Girls talk and I can’t stand when my girlfriends talk about the guys they are dating and I haven’t met them! I want the guys I date to get along with my friends and vice versa and I think that’s good to start asap. Plus it’s fun getting to a know your new boyfriend by hearing stories from his friends.
I used to be the kind of girl to wait for my bf to meet the ‘inner circle’ of friends until the relationship was established. And having lived around the country – plane trips or at least a long distance road trip – away from my closest friends, this was usually the case. However, with my current bf I decided to take a different route and have him meet my bff (who I’ve been friends with for over 30 years) and her husband even before the bf (at that time, potential-bf) and I had the ‘exclusivity’ talk. I figured, that if he got the thumbs up he’s definitely a ‘keeper’ (the uber-protective thing); but if he got the thumbs down, it would be easier for me to walk away.
Yes, my bff’s opinion is THAT important to me. We’ve been friends since 3rd grade and has seen me through every-single-breakup I’ve ever had. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And because she’s the kind of girl that looks for everyone’s positive qualities, I knew that if I got the less-than-enthusiastic approval from her, there would be a very valid reason. Fortunately, for me (and him), he got the double thumbs up… from her, her hubby, and their kids!
my friend wanted me to meet her new boyfriend so she told me they were both in the neighborhood and theyd drop by the house was a mess and i was in my pajamas so I said she could not come over she was all mad and im mad at her for just wanting to stop over what is your opinion
I think that it is important at a certain point but boy can it be awkward!
Something I’ve struggled with since the BF and BFF met is that they get along realllllly well, to the point where I feel like a third wheel sometimes