Matt and I met when we were freshmen in college. I’ve become increasingly grateful for this fact, as I don’t think I could have hacked it in the world of romantic dating. Friend dating is hard enough.
There are moments, though, when I wonder if I missed out on some character building experiences. Crappy dates, bizarre suitors… it’s the stuff great stories are made of.
Coupling off so early also meant that I missed out on a BFF rite of passage: Trolling for men.
Going out on the town, sizing up the single guys, it’s as good a female bonding activity as any. And though I can try and scope out the man folk for my single friends, it’s often an activity better left to those in the trenches.
So you can imagine my excitement when I had a classic wingwoman experience earlier this week.
A new friend of mine has a crush on a boy. She’s been into him for a few weeks, but hasn’t yet done anything about it. So a few days ago, I offered to get things moving. With her approval, I wrote down her contact info and told said boy that my friend thought he was cute. I told him that, if he was single, he should get in touch with her.
The whole situation made me feel like I was in high school again. In a good way! Sure, I was legitimately nervous before approaching the boy in question (Why? Who knows. Probably because I’m a nut job) but I was downright giddy when I returned to my friend, whose smile took up her whole face. We giggled and analyzed and it was fun. And girly. And friendy.
My wingwoman performance wasn’t as impressive last night, when I joined another new single friend for a Chanukah party. Walking through the crowd, I watched as partygoers looked each other up and down. When guys approached my friend, I awkwardly stared at my wine glass—neither helping her hit it off nor saving her when I knew the conversation had probably turned painful. Like I said, I wouldn’t hack it in the dating scene. I get weird. (Do we not remember the hugging incident??)
But playing the wingwoman—even when I sucked at it—felt like a badge of honor. It can be goofy or uncomfortable or a great success, but it’s what friends do.
Got any great tales of being the wingwoman? Or want to weigh in on the dating scene (am I lucky to have skipped it or did I miss out on some life-changing stuff)? Whatever your comment, sound off below!
MWF Seeking BFF 
You’re mostly lucky to have skipped post-college dating, but it definitely is interesting. I did my time in the dating scene for sure. Since I know you relate to TV, I loved the first season of HIMYM when it was first on, because I totally felt like a female Ted (we ARE both from Ohio, after all) with some of the dating disasters I encountered. The dating scene in your early to mid 20’s is just all kinds of awkward. Two of the best bad lines I ever heard were “I’m an accountant and I make a lot of money. So you should go out with me.” and “I’m Catholic too, wanna f—?” And the best wingman line? “My friend here is a 25 year old virgin. Want to take care of that?” Gah, no! So yeah, guys are kind of dogs sometimes.
But the wingwoman is SO crucial, and it helps if your wingwoman is not actively looking too, so you’re actually in a perfect position for that. It’s also pretty easy to try to pick up guys when you personally have nothing to lose. My wingwoman back in the day was on the market too, but thankfully we had such different taste in guys that we had no problem helping each other out. My group of friends now just has one single girl left, so she has 5-6 wingwomen on any given night that we go out.
I love the HIMYM reference! My favorite “wingman” line from that is, “Have you met Ted?” and the person walks away. 🙂
I feel like I could write a whole book on the topic! I won’t. I’ll spare the world the awful stories. The best wingwoman are 90% normal and 10% ballsy. Rachel, sounds like you were the perfect combo. HIMYM always seems to nail this dynamic too.
Since I married at birth….I am also intrigued/ completely terrified at the idea of true adulthood dating…..kinda feel I raised my husband!!!!…he is now a don young man!!!….
But I love the idea of helping someone pick up a guy;-)…..that could be lots of fun.
Update: crush in question got in touch with wingwomee. Success! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
While you won’t have stories of terrible dates to tell prospective friends, I’d bet she’ll be more than happy to share if the spirit is right. Perhaps it’d be better if you lead into it, though. “OMG, my friend just texted me she said her date last night was an epic fail . . . ‘He literally walked out after only 20 minutes. I just had to laugh.’ Wow, that is so crazy.” Good friend dates have a story or 2 to tell in response.