Welcome back from the turkey haze. My holiday involved bourbon-infused mashed sweet potatoes covered in marshmallows and two different types of apple pie. I hope you all were so lucky.
Matt and I stayed at his brother’s house, and, over a rousing game of Scrabble in which I was demolished, my sister-in-law and I played the usual catch up. When I inquired about one of her single friends, sis-in-law said, “She’s still looking. So if you know anyone…”
I don’t do set ups. I don’t outright refuse, but I avoid. There’s a lot of pressure in choosing who would make good mates.
The full weight of the responsibility hit me a few years ago. A friend who’d recently been set-up told me the girl he’d been matched with wasn’t hot enough. “Is that what they think of my looks?” my friend said of the set-uppers.
I learned that day that finding two people who’ll fall for each other isn’t the only goal of setting up friends. If you find someone who the other doesn’t deem “worthy,” you might find yourself the target of an inquisition.
“How could you think I’d like him? He was an ogre! Do you think I look like a troll?”
“She was a moron! Do you think I’m stupid too??”
No, thank you.
There’s also that fear that the set up will work out. At first. Until it doesn’t and you’re suddenly in the middle of a bad break up. Again, I think I’ll pass.
I have heard plenty of successful set up stories, of course. In fact, the sister-in-law in question was set up with my brother-in-law by their mutual best friends. They’ve been married for 3.5 years.
The few friends I’ve tried to set up have been people I didn’t know very well. (None of my matchmaker attempts have taken. In fact, there’s never even been a second—or in some cases a first—date.) I know my close friends so well that it’s hard for me to think of someone who would complement their every quirk. It’s easier for a more objective party—Match.com, say, or The Millionaire Matchmaker—to come up with the perfect fit.
As I’ve conducted my search this year, I’ve fielded plenty of “know any single guys?” requests. My answer is always the same: “Only two.” It’s true. My rolodex is full of single women and has contains exactly two single men. And these two guys are best friends.
I told my sis-in-law that no, I didn’t know anyone to suggest for her friend. The only matches I can make are of the friendship or book variety. (In another life I must have been a librarian. For all the difficulty I have matching a woman with a man, I can always match a woman with a book.)
Do you avoid set ups like I do? Or do you love to play matchmaker? Have you been set up by a friend? Was it a match or a mess?