Last night a reader wrote a really heartbreaking comment on this blog post about best friend breakups. The topic pushes a lot of buttons. In fact, the post in question was one of the most popular on this blog. Everyone seems to have some experience with friend breakups, and it seems we can all agree that they are pretty traumatic.
The reader in question says she’s sick over how her BFF ended their relationship just a few days ago. “My heart is breaking and I have physical pain through my neck and back and a migraine that would bring a linebacker to his knees. As I sit and type this she is next door. I know this because her car is parked out front. I am praying she will come knock on my door so we can talk … This is way worse than when I caught my husband cheating on me, way way worse.” The circumstances of this breakup are complicated and more or less irrelevant to today’s post, but, if you’re curious, there is backstory here.
The question of the day, though, is what do you do when you want your BFF back? Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, who said what to who or who didn’t say something they should have, sometimes you just don’t want to be fighting anymore. You want to be besties.
I’m one of those people who absolutely hates being in fights. I get in a panic if I think someone I love is mad at me (I even hate it when someone I don’t like is mad at me). I’d always rather apologize and get things back to normal than have a long drawn out fight. Sometimes it’s not so easy and a come to Jesus meeting is necessary, but if I can avoid that, all the better.
I often wish women could take a cue from men. When guys get in fights, from what I can tell, they have a pretty easy time getting over it. One minute they’re going at it Alex-Karev-and-Jackson-Avery style (read: lots of punching, for you non-Grey’s Anatomy fans out there) and the next they are splitting pizza and beer in front of the football game. For women, and certainly myself included, it’s not nearly as cut and dry. When a friend wrongs us, there are days of brooding, conferring with friends, analyzing and re-analyzing and overanalyzing, and then, if we want to save the friendship, having “the talk.” It’s a production. But you already know this. You’ve been there.
If there’s one thing I can say with some confidence, it’s that this isn’t changing anytime soon. Fighting with friends will continue to take a wretched emotional toll on the ladies. So for now, all I can ask is, how do you win her back? When you and your BFF are in a fight, what do you do to fix the situation?