I’ve become a friend pusher.
I hear myself talking up “guy time” to Matt these days. A combination, I know, of wanting him to get all the great benefits of social interaction and trying to assuage my own guilt for constantly ditching him for girls nights. His reaction is usually some variation of “I’m all good with the friends I’ve got, thanks….”
As I’ve mentioned here already, my brother recently moved to Chicago. While he has Matt and me, and our cousins, and of course his girlfriend and her friends, he’s arrived in the city under similar circumstances that I did: leaving almost all his best friends behind in New York City.
So when a friend announced that her long-distance boyfriend was moving to Chicago, also from NYC, of course I knew what should happen. A man date!
They’d be a great setup. Two Big Apple transplants in their 30s. Done and done.
Until I mentioned it to my brother who told me that “I’ll do it if you want me to for the blog, otherwise no thanks.”
There are two things of note here. 1) What good brothering that he’ll do anything for this blog. 2) I probably sabotaged my own plan when I called it a man date.
I watched I Love You, Man for the first time since starting this blog the other day. It was fascinating to hear so much of my internal dialogue come out of Paul Rudd’s mouth. Though ultimately the film is a buddy comedy, when Paul Rudd sets out on his search for a best man I figured I might pick up some tips. What stuck with me most was the rule that Rudd’s character should ask guys only to “casual lunch or after work drinks.” No dinners allowed.
If said rule holds true for women I’ve been a real rebel. Apparently, dinners are too intense for a first meeting. Too much like an actual date. Or so says Andy Samberg.
I’m re-approaching the brother set up, this time with the hopes of planning a triple date: Me and Matt, my brother and his girlfriend, and my friend and her man. It will be a big hit… assuming I haven’t already put too much pressure on them. Oops.
Though I tend to think it’s easier for guys to make friends, they seem generally less open to friend dates. When I try to set up girls there’s always at least a meeting. They may never be BFF, but they try each other on for size. Men seem so put off by the idea of an awkward I Love You, Man type meeting that they just laugh at me and tell me to keep the BFF searching to myself.
Who do you think would be more open to friend-dating, men or women? Why? And what’s your stance on dinner on the first date?