Some friendships, without ample time for getting-to-know-you, never would have been.
Others happen in an instant.
It’s the love-at-first-sight of friendship. When two people just… work. You can’t put your finger on it, but you know the person you met will be in your life going forward. Perhaps you run towards each other in slow motion. In a field. With your arms extended. Maybe Chariots of Fire is playing. Maybe.
In Click: The Magic of Instant Connection, authors Ori and Rom Brafman dissect these seemingly magical moments. “In its simplest terms, clicking can be defined as an immediate, deep, and meaningful connection with another person or with the world around us. Typically, it takes weeks or months before most of us feel truly comfortable with a new person. … But sometimes this process is greatly accelerated, and the connection seems to form almost magically and instantaneously.”
I’ve had this connection a few times. Hopefully all of us have. I can think of two old friends where, the minute we met, I thought “Yes, please. You fit nicely.”
I’ve even had this moment with a friend I don’t see much anymore. I met Kate in the months after graduating college. She was my friend’s roommate, but the first night we met we got to talking about books and something just clicked. I knew we’d be friends. We ended up starting a book club together, a perfect way to see each other at least every month. Some six years later, she lives in San Francisco and I’m in Chicago, so we don’t talk as often as I’d like and we haven’t seen each other in years. But I still feel like we’re kindred spirits. When we do talk—usually via various technologies—it’s easy. We understand each other.
The Brafman brothers call this “quick-set intimacy.” The bonds of which “can be surprisingly strong and create a tenor in the relationship that may be lifelong.”
In the examples in the book (or at least what I’ve read so far) many of the clicks happen between two people who you might not otherwise expect to hit it off. But for whatever reason, they instantly form an alliance. And suddenly the team is stronger than the sum of its parts.
The book will go into the factors at work that make these instant connections happen. But I haven’t read that far. So for now, I want to hear from you. Have you ever had that magic click moment? Care to share the story? Is there anything specific that you think caused the two of you instantly hit it off?
MWF Seeking BFF 
That’s exactly what happened to me – the click. I can’t explain how or why, but when I met my soul-sister it was love at first BFF site. Within about 30 seconds I knew we would be friends forever. I have to say that this experience for me has been once in a lifetime so far, but such a tremendous blessing to me!
I’ve only felt that click once, but you are right–it’s just one of those moments where you think “Yep. You are for me.”
I have definitely had the love at first sight with a few old buddies. It’s weird. For a time, it seemed that the people who ended up closest to me were the ones I had seen from afar and for some reason, I just knew it was them I was destined to be with, so to speak.
One friend was in my Spanish class in HS Freshman year, and when they were calling role and I heard her voice behind me say “here,” I turned around and saw her and thought “Yes. There you are. You will be my BFF.” And shortly after we met, we were inseparable.
Another HS BFF I met playing volleyball in PE. I heard people chanting her name as we played, and I thought it would be funny to chant her name too even though she did not know me. So I did, and she was confused and thought I knew her. I fessed up and we introduced ourselves and laughed about it, and right then, I knew we would be friends for a long time.
With my current BGF (best gay friend), I had seen him all over my college campus theatre department and always thought he was interesting and cool. I knew we would be friends someday, but I never actually introduced myself for a year or so. Once he and I officially met, we instantly fell in friend love. The rest is history, and we still talk at least once a week if we can.
I have had little eureka moments like this here and there over the years since college, and when they happen, it is so refreshing and neat. However they typically don’t pan out like the ones back in the day, usually because we don’t hang out all the time after we meet, like we got to do when we all had more free time. Or the new person typically moves, or I move, etc. So the obstacles make it tougher to follow through on these great sparkling chemistry moments.
But they do exist, and they are some of my favorite parts of life and friendship. You just can’t force or make that stuff up. It just IS. 🙂
I LOVE these stories! So touching and real. It’s just so much like finding that right romantic partner… ultimately, romance and friendship are both about finding people who make you happy and understand you in different ways, anyway. The volleyball story is amazing…
Thanks Rachel. It was fun to remember and share. Great topic as usual!
It’s easy and effortless. That is what I love most about these kind of friendships.
Yes Rachael…..I suppose I’ve had it a few times. Like you, I’m not very close with my old friends anymore and am trying to fill the void with new ones although it’s pretty hard. I made several acqaintances, but the close friends is a different matter. It makes you feel irrelevant and unimportant when it seems like you’re not really close with anybody.
But regarding your question. When I was in 5th grade I connected closely with one of my friends because we introduced each other to movies, music and books which the other didnt know about. Gradually, we began coming up with story ideas, characters, etc…..We awoke a creative spark within ourselves that had been hidden before. It wasnt sudden, right away type of friendship. But within a few months we connected in a way that made it a different friendship than any I had before.
Last year….I almost instantly clicked with a maintenance man at my college. It took two conversations I guess before I became real comfortable talking to him. We could virtually talk about anything. It was real chill and cool conversations. I havnt seen him in about 10 months but we talk on the phone every now and then. A hell of a lot cooler than most fellow college students that I meet
been lucky enough to have this connection a few times as well. totally had that “click” with my BFF from college–we met when a mutual friend introduced us at a lauryn hill concert our freshman year. insta-friendship the second we met, and we sealed the BBF deal over the next few hours of inching our way to the stage, while the rest of the group stayed back (i think reaching the stage was the magic “we’re going to be BFFs” moment). said BFF and i decided to live together for the next 3 years, and she continues to be my long distance BFF. another such high school friendship has changed a bit with age and distance, though it’s still incredibly easy when we talk/meet. the most recent is a connection that probably needs some tending to; we met and “clicked” at a “you’re-both-moving-to-LA-and-should-know-each-other-dinner,” and we now live a few blocks away from each other, but have been terrible about meeting up. in fact, she might be my new LA BFF. thanks for reminding me of that. i should probably email her. now.
I read (parts of) “Click”, while lounging at Borders one day a while ago– I may pick it up again after reading this. I enjoyed this post, and well whole concept, so I had to come back to comment. 🙂
In my experience, this is so true. Most, if not all, of the friends I’ve held “close to my heart” (and not just a close friend, because well, it’s convenient, so we hang often), I’ve felt this instant “magical moment” with. I dare not confess it at times, in fear of seeming more cheesy than I already am. Haha. But I think it’s mutual, too. That’s why there’s “magic”, right? 😛 In addition, what is so true is the fact that, the personalities of these people are very opposite of what you’d think’ would work with mine– just like the examples in the book. But It just works. Needless to say, after the “honeymoon” phase passes, every friendship, no matter how magical needs work. The “love at first sight” that started it all, makes the story much more awesome though. 🙂
Pingback: The Stories We Tell « MWF Seeking BFF