The Male Perspective

I’m on vacation this week, so thought it would be fun to get input on my search from the people witnessing it first hand. Below, my terribly witty husband reflects on how The Quest has affected our marriage so far.

So my wife writes this blog.  Or so I hear.  We don’t really see each other all that much in this, our first year of marriage. I guess it makes sense then that our relationship couldn’t be better, which might be surprising considering that she decided to embark on a BFF-quest all of four months after our nuptials. Um, chello?? BFF-quest? Hi wife, this is your husband. I was hoping we could maybe be BFFs for a little while. Or, like, eternity.

I joke. From Day One I’ve been hugely supportive of The Quest. I chuckle when people tell Rachel that I should be her BFF and that her search is only a sign that we have a doomed marriage. Rachel and I were BFFs for two years before we officially started dating. (Obvi we were “friends,” slightly more than pals, for most of those two years—but our relationship for sure began via friendship.) She’s no longer my BFF. She’s my partner. My wife. The female version of me. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. She’s my most comfortable place. But she ain’t my BFF.

Female BFFs talk about hair, menstruation, wedding showers, Tyler Lautner [Editor’s note: That he calls him “Tyler” says it all], and other barely legal teenage boy wonders. They talk about innately female BS (OMG! I’m so insensitive) that the male simply cannot relate to. And this is what Rachel was lacking when we moved to Chicago together from the East Coast after doing the fun long-distance thing for three years. It was different for me. (A) I had two of my BFFs (woah, that is not a manly way to describe a best friend) here in Chicago from our college days. (B) I don’t have that mysterious female need to gab about god-knows-what for hours on end.

Thus The Quest ensued. And six months in, Rachel is a noticeably happier person. She’s always been a happy person, honestly. But you can tell she’s even more satisfied (wow, this has been an emasculating post), more complete, now that she has more female friends in her life that live in her city. So Rachel’s happier, which means I’m happier, which means our relationship is happier (albeit we’ve had a pretty good thing going for quite some time). Do you have a husband, boyfriend, or some other similarly insignificant male presence in your life? Show him this post. It might benefit you both more than you’d think. And, on a separate but related note, how awesome is my wife?


Filed under BFFs and Marriage, The Gender Gap

16 responses to “The Male Perspective

  1. This was fun to read. I like getting your perspective on Rachel’s quest in finding a BFF. I have to confess, I did wonder how Rachel was able to pursue her quest for a BFF and be a happily married newlywed. Glad to hear you are supportive and love the humor in this piece.

  2. Emasculation aside, I think it’s great that your are so supportive of your wife! And you’re right, BFF isn’t a very manly term, is it?

  3. I love this post. Rather than being emasculating, I think it shows incredible independence and confidence to support your partner’s search for other deep connections. Bravo to you both!

    (And that first paragraph made me laugh aloud.)

  4. Love this. My husband also supports my need for female friendship – and I know he needs guys to hang out with, too. And hey, what makes your partner happier is usually bound to make the two of you happier.

  5. april

    Love this post! It’s wonderful that you support R & know that she needs girlfriends in addition to a great marriage partner.

  6. Megan

    Love this post! Very witty (as well as sensitive, obviously loving, and understanding!) indeed!

  7. Naomi

    Amazing – I love you both!

  8. CLS

    Good work Matt. Loved it!

  9. Great post–and great outlook on the Quest.

  10. Caz

    Love this! My bf is also incredibly supportive of my need for a female BFF. While I still would consider him my ‘best friend’, like you so succinctly said, he has ZERO desire to hear in detail all my talk about babies and weddings and engagement rings (a place we’re not at yet) or all the other things we girls chat about constantly…

    Girls just need other gals in their life.

  11. Eva

    Love the funny asides and editor’s notes! I could just hear you two in conversation, adding detail and commentary to one another’s comments.

  12. Rachel, you mad scored. Rachel’s husband, you mad mad scored. You guys must be the annoying golden couple that everyone tries to beat in Pictionary. Sounds like you make a great team.

    Hope you enjoy your vacay!

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  16. Husband, i give you props for your support for your wife’s quest. As men, I know we hear a lot of women who complain that men are not supportive enough for women’s needs. *That is what I hear anyway*

    I support my gf in everything she is questing. Yes, a happier woman, makes a happier home, never saying that i do not make her happy.

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