Whenever I talk to people about MWF Seeking BFF, I’m surprised, always, by the most common question: “So, did you actually make any friends?”
It’s not, “Did you find a BFF?” which is the question I’d expect. It’s “Did you actually make any friends?”
The reason I’m so shocked by this question is, well, of course I did! How could you go on 52 friend-dates, and meet upwards of 100 new people, and not find a single one who becomes a friend?
The question speaks to the pervasive idea, still, that a person can’t seek out friendship. That if you’re as deliberate as I was in my search, it’s not going to work.
It’s been almost two years to the day since I decided to embark on a friend-search. Which means I’ve thought seriously about friendship—how we create it and maintain it, what motivates it, which parts are hardest and which come most naturally—every single day for the last 24 months. And these days I’d argue that we all seek out friendship.
Most people don’t do what I did. You might not post your BFF want ad, or rent a friend, or perform in an improv troupe in hopes of meeting your friendship soul mate. But you might join a book club. Or a knitting group. You might socialize with someone new at a party. You might let your friend invite someone you’ve never met to your weekly dinner outing.
This month, when people ask me if I “actually made any friends,” I tell them about my cooking club—eight girls who are spending New Year’s Eve together in a couple of weeks. Or my coworkers, with whom I traded holiday gifts (I got a Justin Bieber singing toothbrush!) last Tuesday. Or my new Saturday morning dance-class pals, who I catch up with over the phone sometimes. Like actual, “Watcha up to? Just calling to say hi,” phone calls.
So while we’re inching up on the new year—and new year’s resolutions—consider embarking on your own BFF search. You don’t have to go on a date a week (it’s exhausting work), but you could try one a month. Or try making a point of following-up with those “we should totally get together!” pals. Or join one new group. 2012 could be your friendliest year yet!
What’s your New Year’s resolution?
MWF Seeking BFF comes out tomorrow! There’s still one day left to pre-order (and get a friendship bracelet — just email me). You can also read the intro and first chapter or check out some exciting recent press, including mentions in O, The Oprah Magazine, Self, New York Post and Chicago Tribune.