In yesterday’s conversation about friendship avoidance—and how to handle relationships with service providers (workout instructors, hairstylists, trainers, etc) when you’ve taken a break from their service—a reader made a comment that really struck me. Erica wrote that she has had a similar worry with her spin instructor, though, as she says, they aren’t really friends, just friendly. The part that made me really nod in agreement was when Erica wrote, “Even if she became my friend (which would be awesome, although I feel like she’s out of my friend-league), it would not (thank goodness) obligate me to get up at 6 a.m. every week to climb imaginary hills.”
Out of her friend league! I love this notion, because I have this feeling all the time.
Remember the waitress I wrote about a couple months back? I thought she seemed great so I left my info on the back of the restaurant check? Well after our girl-date I called an old friend in NYC, told her the story, and explained why the friendship would probably not workout. “She’s too cool for me!”
“You’re crazy,” my friend said “What do you mean too cool?”
I then explained that the waitress has been to just about every music festival around the country because she loves to rock. Also, she was on Road Rules, the MTV reality show. And this was back when it was more cool, less total porn. She had a very distinct vibe of coolness emanating from her, whereas I was more the goofy sidekick telling her about my upcoming trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
Listen, I’m not ashamed of it. I loved that trip. I’m just saying, it’s no indie rock fest.
I’ve met other women who I’ve felt were out of my friend-league. Usually it’s their air of confidence that tips me off. There’s something about a totally self-assured, together girl—one who’s funny, friendly, but doesn’t try too hard because she doesn’t have to, and can watch football with the guys as easily as she can do wine night with the girls—that makes me assume she’s too cool for me.
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only person who feels this way. Add this to the list of why friend-dating is romantic dating all over again.
Have you ever met someone you felt was out of your friend league? Did you pursue her anyway? Did you become friends? Do share and let Erica and me know we’re not alone!
MWF Seeking BFF, the book, is out in three weeks from today! December 20 to be exact. Now that holiday shopping season is here, may I suggest it as a gift for your own BFF? Or a BFF-to-be? (Or would that too forward?) It’s a great way to show your bestie how much you appreciate her. You can:
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