The Best Friend Bill of Rights

A while back I mentioned how excited I am for Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)Yesterday, as if someone up there was looking out for me, a hearty excerpt of the book was posted online.

Also, because perhaps I needed further proof that Mindy Kaling and I should be besties (she and I have both cried to Paul Simon’s Graceland!), there is a chapter entitled “The Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities.” Basically it’s a list of everything that is expected of a BFF, and everything best friends deserve. Said rights include “I Can Borrow All Your Clothes,” “We Sleep in the Same Bed” and “I Can Ditch You, Within Reason.”

My personal favorite, though, is “I Will Hate and Re-Like People For You.” Kaling writes: “But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.”

This is real. Yes, of course, we all form our own opinions about the people in our lives. But if my best friend tells me that we love her coworker, and then one day tells me we hate her because she stole a promotion, and then we love her again because she was responsible for a raise? Sounds good to me. I can praise her or talk smack, just tell me how we feel today.

You can read the full excerpt here. The BFF section starts on page 15.

I’ve been thinking about it, and here are a few other best friend rights and responsibilities I would add to the list. You know, in case Mindy is asking:

  • When you are wasted, I will make sure you get home safely.
  • I will be at your wedding. I will do all the bridal activities I possibly can, and I will be excited about it. And if I’m not, you will never know.
  • I’ll try to help you see when you are being unreasonable, but I won’t call you unreasonable.
  • We might hold hands sometimes or walk arm in arm, but I am not so into that thing where BFFs kiss on the lips. Just seems unnecessary.
  • I will dig into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s/french fries/bottle of wine with you whenever you need to vent/wallow/celebrate/gossip.
What else? Take a look at Mindy Kaling’s list, then let me know. What do you think are the most important best friend rights and responsibilities?

13 Comments

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13 responses to “The Best Friend Bill of Rights

  1. Tonya

    Rachel,

    I’m so glad you got a chance to look at Mindy’s bill of rights section and decided to post about the subject! I’m really seeing the benefits of sharing info nowadays :)

    A few things I will add to my bill of rights:

    * When we’re at a soiree and someone has the identical dress/outfit as you, I will tell you that you look better/hotter in it than she does (even if it may not be true.)
    * I will keep all radical opinions to myself during your time of the month, grouchy…I-need-food-now! moments, and any other time “ANNOYED” is flashing on your forehead.
    * I will support your crazy diet/exerciese regiment (as long as it’s not too insane) and not guilt trip you when you evenually fall off the bandwagon.
    *If you’re in J Crew but forgot your wallet and see something you can wear for you 1st date, I will use my sacred J C reward points plus card because I got you.

  2. Wow, I totally love those. I will definitely need to be picking up that book when it comes out!

    My additions:
    I will love/hate your family with you. Your mom’s being a bitch? Yes I totally agree. Your mom is the most thoughtful human being on the planet? Of course she is, that’s why I love her!

    I will watch your kids for you whenever I can just like I know you’ll watch mine for me. I will also treat them as if they’re my own–loving them unconditionally and screaming at them for tracking in mud on the carpet.

    I will love you even when you make ridiculously stupid decisions. I expect this same love in return and also a night of getting drunk once I’ve realized what a ridiculously stupid decision I have made.

  3. Megan

    Ha! I found myself looking around here for the “like” button! SO like!!

  4. Lorrie Paige

    This could go on forever! This list reminds me of Cathy Hamilton’s “The Girlfriends Bible” You should check it out Rachel, if you haven’t already (Ms. Hamilton also has a “Girlfriend’s Bible on Dating, Mating and Other Matters of the Flesh”.)

    Some things she’s said in her book, which I agree with (some with humor):

    * ‘Yea, though you walk through the valley of cracked sidewalks in high heels, do not fear. For I will be there to pick you up when you fall on your ass.’

    * ‘I shalt not steal your boyfriend, hairdo, or signature colour.'”

    * “When you get older, I shall forsake you not. For friends are like wine – the older, the better. You can get equally drunk with old or new wine. But intoxication with old wine is far more pleasurable.”

    * ‘If your cup runneth over because your bra is too small and you look like a common whore, I will tell you, just as you would tell me about a visible panty line.”

    Great, fun little book.

  5. These lists make me so happy {not to mention thankful for the close friends with whom I share these privileges}. I have to wonder what the average man’s Best Friend Bill of Rights would look like…

  6. Ana

    Thanks for posting the link Rachel, I read some parts of the book and it is hilARious! Definitely going to get my hands on it soon!

  7. I can’t wait for this book to come out! Love the “taking me for granted part” because, let’s be honest, everyone does it at some point, esp when you don’t mean to. But a BFF forgives you for it. And the liking and re-liking people for you is spot on – I never know where we stand with exes. Your additions for the getting home safely is something friends have to do! If one person is wasted, it’s the responsibility of the more sober one to help out. If you’re BBFs, you’ll take turns. My additions:
    *I will pick you up from a boy’s house when you realize you don’t want to be there any longer – no matter what the reasoning is or how late it is.
    *If you move to a new city and get homesick, I will fly in for a visit, even if it means maxing out my cc and flying all by myself.

    • Tonya

      I love this last one “If you move to a new city and get homesick, I will fly in for a visit…” I had a close friend do that and it meant sooooooooooo much to me. She flew in on Thanksgiving and left that Sat, but it was a great visit!!

  8. Pingback: BFF Bill of Rights: Part Two | MWF Seeking BFF

  9. Pingback: The Best Friend Manifesto « Letters from Hannah

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